As a parent of three—an infant, a 5-year-old, and a 7-year-old—I adore my kids, but let’s be real: parenting can be a rollercoaster. Friends without kids often ask me questions about my experience, and while I appreciate their curiosity, the same queries year after year can be a little grating. So, here’s my take on some of the most absurd questions I’ve received:
- “How do you handle three kids?” What exactly do you want me to say? That I’m on the verge of tears because managing three is sometimes overwhelming? Honestly, transitioning from two to three kids felt like I was already swimming when someone tossed me a baby. Sometimes, I just want to toss my minivan full of noisy children to the side of the road and disappear into the woods. So, how do I cope? Not particularly well. Is that what you wanted to hear?
- “Do your kids ever argue?” Really? Did you never bicker with your siblings? They squabble over everything! Just last week, I had to intervene in a wrestling match about whether my daughter could take a whiff of my son’s fart. The prior week? A dispute over string cheese. Yes, they fight—just like all kids do. And when they’re not arguing, I can only assume they’re conspiring something… probably a heist.
- “Did you catch last night’s episode of Parks and Recreation?” While this may not seem directly related to parenting, it totally is! I no longer control the TV; my kids do. Last night, I endured Yo-Gabba-Gabba followed by Pokémon. If it isn’t animated or a puppet, just assume I haven’t seen it.
- “Why are your eyes so red? Did your kids keep you up?” Oh, absolutely! I spent two hours last night changing wet sheets and hunting for Bun Bun. Ugh… I’m tempted to set Bun Bun ablaze! If a fellow parent looks exhausted, just assume their kids are the cause, and maybe keep your comments to yourself.
- “Do your kids ever talk back?” Oh, no, they’re perfect little angels! Most of the time, they speak in polite terms, and when I finally get to recline after a long day, they bring me my slippers and a snack. Of course, they talk back! Just yesterday, my 5-year-old called me a fart-face for denying her Netflix. My 7-year-old told my wife she “sucked” for not giving him an ice cream sandwich. I didn’t teach them to speak this way, but there you go.
- “What’s that white stuff on your shirt?” Puke. It’s always puke. Tomorrow, I’ll likely have more of it on my clothes. If it’s not white, it’s probably pee or poop. I have a baby—deal with it.
- “I bet there’s a lot of love in your home… right?” Mostly, my house is filled with messes, boogers, and mysterious wet spots. I can’t even explain all the smells, and my table is perpetually sticky. But yes, when I walk through the door, my 7-year-old leaps into my arms, which is simply wonderful. My 5-year-old shows off a new dance, melting my heart, while the baby just kicks her legs and squeals—adorable!
What are some of the most ridiculous questions you’ve dealt with as a parent?
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In summary, while parenting is filled with love and joy, it also comes with its share of chaos and challenges. The next time you’re tempted to ask a parent a question, consider if it might be one of these annoyingly repetitive inquiries.