I’ve often found myself shaking my head at frazzled holiday hosts. It seemed absurd to me that someone would stress over something as simple as mashed potatoes. Why can’t they just unwind? Then, I took on the challenge of hosting Thanksgiving for the first time.
Let’s be clear: organizing a holiday event for a large group is no small feat. Preparing food for many, tidying up the house, accommodating various dietary needs, and ensuring everyone feels welcomed and at ease—all these tasks are daunting. Maintaining a facade of calm and festive cheer? Practically impossible. Yet, this is the unrealistic expectation we impose upon ourselves, following the traditions set by our mothers, aunts, and family matriarchs. The ultimate praise for a host is that they make it look effortless.
Thanksgiving is not your typical dinner party; it carries with it a weight of expectations and cherished memories. I genuinely enjoy entertaining—bringing people together, curating the right ambiance, introducing guests to one another, and ensuring everyone has a drink in hand. However, I was unprepared for the pressures of hosting Thanksgiving. Guests arrive with nostalgia for their mother’s special recipes, and I felt the intense desire to surpass those expectations. I envisioned my friends and family savoring the best turkey they had ever tasted, and I longed for the moment when they’d exclaim, “She makes it look so easy,” as I twirled through my apartment in a stylish apron, refilling glasses and adding garnishes.
So, I dove into research—how to roast a turkey, whether brining was necessary (the debates in culinary circles could fuel a revolution), and how to avoid ruining mashed potatoes through common blunders. Then came the shopping, followed by hours of cleaning, chopping vegetables, and preparing stocks—tasks so tedious that even recalling them is exhausting.
By the time my dear guests—my sister Lisa and her partner, along with friends from the city—arrived at my New York apartment, I was far from cheerful. My sister, exhausted from her journey, wanted to relax rather than shower me with praise. And, truth be told, there was a minor kitchen mishap involving smoke that didn’t help my already frayed nerves.
I couldn’t help but feel slighted; I had poured my heart into this gathering, and yet my sister seemed less than enthusiastic. Instead of enjoying our time together, I let my annoyance fester. I had invested so much effort into creating a perfect holiday that I was primed to be disappointed by anything less.
What I learned from this experience is invaluable: if you find yourself in the presence of a busy host who has dedicated time, money, and energy to create a memorable event, don’t sulk. Instead, engage and enjoy the festivities. Avoid making faces that hint at discontent, even if someone is obsessing over the cranberry sauce in a way that seems excessive.
More importantly, avoid becoming that host. It’s not enjoyable. Resist the pressure to embody a flawless blend of a lifestyle guru who cooks, crafts, and cleans with a serene glow. Instead, simplify the process. When guests offer to help, don’t feel compelled to keep up appearances. Encourage them to bring a dish or pitch in with the preparations. Sharing the workload makes the event more enjoyable for everyone.
American culture often undervalues domestic labor, leading to undue stress for those who take on the hosting role. This holiday season, let’s embrace a collaborative spirit and appreciate the joy of sharing responsibilities.
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Summary:
Hosting holiday dinners can be overwhelming, with high expectations and a strong desire for perfection. Embracing a potluck style can alleviate the pressure, allowing everyone to contribute and enjoy the festivities together. By sharing the responsibilities, hosts can create a more relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere for all.