As the mother of three boys, I’ve learned that my life is filled with unexpected surprises. While my kids are generally calm and well-behaved, their creativity often leads to some eye-rolling moments. When I envisioned motherhood, I had no idea what it meant to raise boys, especially since I grew up without any brothers. I assumed my conversations would be filled with wise, sentimental advice—something akin to a classic after-school special. However, reality has proven me wrong. Here’s a list of some of the most astonishing things I’ve found myself saying:
- It’s NEVER acceptable to urinate in your toy truck. You would think this is common sense, but my then-3-year-old had other ideas. I can still picture the incident vividly involving his little front-loader garbage truck. I guess I should admire his aim!
- Remove your brother’s underwear from your head RIGHT NOW. You’d expect anyone would find wearing someone else’s “used” undies unappealing, right? Not my 3-year-old! Goofiness clearly trumps hygiene in his world.
- Keep your fingers away from your brother’s eyeball. I can’t recall which child was involved, but I suspect it was that same adventurous toddler.
- Do NOT eat your earwax. This likely came from my other son, who seems averse to tissues. It leaves me wondering when the phase of eating boogers will finally end. No amount of explanation about hygiene seems to deter him. I suspect it’s just too convenient.
- Do NOT throw banana peels and then try to slip on them. My husband witnessed this one. Our 4-year-old must have been inspired by a Mythbusters episode. By the way, my 7-year-old now refuses to wear jeans since he’s convinced they might spontaneously combust after watching that same show. Thank you, Discovery Channel, for the fashion crisis!
- Don’t leave your toothbrush on the floor next to the toilet. That firehose can be quite hazardous! At this point, I’m no longer surprised by conversations surrounding pee or boy anatomy. Well, maybe #9 did catch me off guard.
- Do NOT stick boogers in your ears. Seriously. Did I just have to say that?
- A pretend helmet won’t actually protect your head. Doesn’t this sound wise? You’ve got to love a 4-year-old’s imagination, even if it gives me panic attacks. This child once wore a full fireman costume to the beach on a scorching day!
- Do NOT leave cups of pee in the bathtub. Apparently, my boys thought it was a brilliant idea to conduct a “science experiment” while bathing. I had no clue until days later when I discovered the cups. We had a serious discussion after that!
- Don’t stuff your pockets with blackberries. My oldest son recently discovered pockets in his pants and took to filling them with everything—especially blackberries. After his first school lunch, he came home with a delightful pocketful of cherry tomatoes, snap peas, and peanuts that he hadn’t managed to eat.
I’m sure this list will grow as my boys continue their adventures. With the third one already showing signs of mischief, I’m bracing for even more memorable moments. After all, these little anecdotes are what motherhood is truly about, right?
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In summary, motherhood is filled with unexpected lessons, especially when raising boys. The humorous and outrageous things I find myself saying are a big part of the experience, and I know there’s much more to come!