“The Long Goodbye” is a poignant memoir that reflects on Laura’s experience of losing her mother to cancer in 2008; Laura was 32 and her mother only 55. The profound grief of loss can often lead to invaluable, albeit challenging, insights about happiness, and Laura has much to share on this subject.
Laura: What’s a simple activity that consistently lifts your spirits?
Megan: Walking has become my go-to. I used to run frequently, which brought me joy—even if I dreaded putting on my running shoes. However, after injuring the cartilage in my right hip and requiring surgery, running became impossible. This injury occurred about nine months after my mother’s passing, and running had been a coping mechanism. Adapting to this change was tough, but I discovered that walking allowed me to slow down and appreciate my surroundings rather than rush through them.
Reading also brings me joy. Books like “Anne of Green Gables” or “The Once and Future King” are my favorites, and I often revisit them during tough times. The wisdom found in “The Book of Merlyn,” a prequel to “The Once and Future King,” resonates deeply with me, especially after losing my mother: “The best thing for being sad… is to learn something. That is the only thing that never fails.”
What’s a lesson about happiness you’ve learned since you were 18?
I’ve come to realize that happiness ebbs and flows. When I face unhappiness, I now understand that it won’t last forever if I endure it. However, I also recognize that certain pains, like the loss of my mother on Christmas Day 2008, leave a lasting impact. Such experiences can shape us in ways that are not entirely negative, although it can be tough to remember that.
Is there a recurring habit that hinders your happiness?
Lack of sleep and neglecting exercise are obvious culprits. A more subtle issue for me is my tendency to overwork. Sometimes I become so engrossed in my tasks that I isolate myself from friends and social activities, which ultimately makes me feel down, despite believing I need the solitude.
“I learned to find peace in the fact that I survived my greatest fear.”
Do you have a personal mantra that encourages happiness?
My mother often said, “Lighten up, Meg,” when I stressed over trivial matters. It was her way of reminding me not to let the little things overshadow my joy. Now, I repeat that to myself, especially when I worry about saying the wrong thing or making poor decisions.
What behaviors do you notice in others that influence their happiness?
Many people stress over insignificant matters and fail to practice gratitude. As you’ve discussed on your blog, actively recognizing what we’re grateful for can dramatically alter our mindset. After my mother’s death, I coped by seeking out beauty in my daily life. Although it may sound cliché, I made an effort to identify several beautiful moments each day to prevent myself from spiraling into anxiety about potential loss.
Do you actively pursue happiness? How?
Yes, I consciously work on my happiness. After my mother passed, she encouraged me to enjoy life more. Now, I focus on the mundane but essential aspects of my routine—like maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, eating healthily, and exercising regularly. I also pay attention to how certain interactions make me feel and remind myself that many things I worry about are trivial. I have a somewhat silly practice of contemplating the vastness of the universe and my small place within it.
Have you ever been surprised when something you thought would bring you joy didn’t, or vice versa?
Absolutely. I once moved to a larger apartment thinking it would enhance my happiness, but I found myself feeling isolated and lonely. The real surprise came after my mother’s passing; I initially felt that nothing good could ever happen again, but over time, I recognized that some positive outcomes emerged from the tragedy. I learned to relax, ironically, because I faced my deepest fear and endured. This experience has made me more appreciative, and I find humor in my past failures. The connections I formed with others who also grieved have been unexpectedly rewarding, fostering closeness that may not have developed otherwise.
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In summary, facing loss can illuminate important lessons about life and happiness. By embracing simple joys, fostering connections, and practicing gratitude, we can navigate our grief while learning how to appreciate the beauty around us.