When children start school and the need for a nanny diminishes, responsible parents often strive to help their caregivers find new employment. Many turn to community listservs for assistance. It’s interesting to note that a common phrase among parents is to describe their nannies as “incredible,” as in, “our incredible nanny is now available!” A quick search of the listserv reveals 519 mentions of “incredible nanny,” yet there are no mentions of terms like fantastic, exceptional, or even decent nanny. A Google search for “incredible nanny” yields 28,000 results, including endorsements from celebrities and various nanny agency advertisements. Traits such as punctuality, reliability, and warmth—qualities I would prioritize when hiring—seem to be overshadowed. The term “incredible nanny” has become a linguistic trend, an inflationary expression that reflects a growing habit of using increasingly extravagant language to describe positive attributes. For instance, while a latte may simply be pleasant, calling it awesome is an example of this inflation.
But why is the term “incredible nanny” so prevalent on job boards? I reached out to Jenna Wallace, a sociology professor at City University, who authored Nurturing Brooklyn, a study on Caribbean caregivers in New York. She pointed out, “While many genuinely see their nannies as incredible, it often serves to alleviate the guilt employers feel about placing a low-wage worker in a precarious situation. Knowing that these workers have families relying on them, your average parent feels an added weight of responsibility for their well-being. By labeling the worker as ‘incredible,’ they aim to facilitate a swift transition to another family to ease their own conscience.”
Ah, parenting—an arena fraught with worry and guilt. I was recently offered a full-time job, which I turned down due to my own guilt. I interviewed two nannies from my neighborhood playground; both were attentive caregivers but lacked documentation. I struggled with the legal and ethical implications of hiring someone without standard credentials. Leaving my children with someone unregulated felt uncomfortable. I felt guilty about participating in a system that often exploits immigrant women of color. I even wrestled with guilt about considering a return to work—shouldn’t being a full-time stay-at-home mom be sufficient fulfillment? Moreover, resentment crept in; paying a fair wage meant my entire paycheck would vanish into nanny fees.
As a result, I declined the job offer, turned down the potential nannies, and continued juggling work during nights and naptimes while sharing childcare responsibilities with my partner. This situation was detrimental for everyone involved—the nannies seeking jobs, myself aspiring for a full-time role, and our children, who were cared for by exhausted parents.
Interestingly, I often hear parents lament about their nannies’ performance. Many of these caregivers, once deemed “incredible,” are frequently criticized for being late, inattentive, or distracted by their phones. When I mentioned this to Dr. Wallace, who spent years observing the Caribbean nanny community in New York, she laughed. “This reflects a broader societal issue—similar to how many husbands undervalue the efforts of stay-at-home mothers,” she noted.
In our culture, we have a troubling tendency to undervalue caregivers. Historical exclusions from overtime and minimum wage laws have left many domestic workers vulnerable. Recent efforts to extend protections to home-care workers have faced setbacks. As these roles are performed in isolation, domestic workers are often exposed to exploitation. Contracts are rarely written, and even those compensated fairly frequently experience employment gaps that hinder retirement savings. As Dr. Wallace points out, employers often expect nannies to work unpaid overtime or take on additional tasks beyond the original job description. To maintain their positions, many caregivers comply rather than risk losing their jobs.
Dr. Wallace highlights a double standard wherein parents may hold nannies to standards they themselves do not meet. “Parents check their phones too,” she explains. “Even if they’re working, parenting can be isolating and tedious.”
If I had taken the job and hired a nanny, I suspect I would have mirrored the behavior Dr. Wallace describes. My guilt and expectations may have created a pressure cooker environment. I would likely scrutinize every tardy arrival and any hint of dissatisfaction, perhaps even expect her to manage household tasks as I do. All the while, I might have hoped for her to be more engaged, creative, and nurturing, as if she were a modern-day Mary Poppins, even though I know I am neither perfect nor should expect that of her.
These two issues—the high costs of childcare and the societal undervaluation of care work—conspire to create a dysfunctional system for American parenting. The expense of hiring a nanny or enrolling a child in daycare often forces parents into untenable situations where they either cannot work or must forfeit an entire paycheck for childcare. Meanwhile, caregivers receive inadequate compensation, lacking benefits like health insurance and retirement plans, with many still relying on under-the-table payments. A national organizer for domestic workers grimly stated, “There’s no good situation for a nanny in retirement.”
This broken system leaves no one satisfied. The relationship between employer and nanny often culminates in well-intentioned posts on job boards, where parents try to support their former caregivers while glossing over a flawed structure.
While it’s easy to feel disheartened, we must advocate for meaningful reforms: a well-trained, fairly compensated, and regulated childcare workforce, alongside pathways for legal status for the women who currently fill these crucial roles. We need to recognize childcare as legitimate work rather than simply a hobby for women. The rationale for denying home-care workers protections based on the notion of companionship is utterly unfounded.
The phrase “incredible nanny,” which implies a superhuman standard, feels jarring. I often find myself questioning whether I should be amazed by these caregivers. Wouldn’t it be better to hire someone who is reliable and not at risk of falling into financial instability when their services are no longer needed? Can’t we pursue our careers without contributing to an exploitative system?
That would truly be—well, truly great.
For further information on home insemination and related topics, check out this resource. If you are a busy couple looking for guidance, this site is a valuable authority on the matter. Additionally, UCSF’s Center provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the child care system in America is in dire need of reform. While nannies are often praised as “incredible,” the reality is that many face significant challenges, including low wages and lack of legal protections. The societal undervaluation of care work compounds these issues, creating a cycle of guilt and responsibility for parents. To create a better future for both caregivers and families, we must advocate for structural changes that recognize the importance of childcare as a profession.