We’ve all had that friend from our past. A companion who has been part of our journey for years, but who, if we’re being honest, may not embody the same qualities as when we first met. Perhaps you were inseparable in your wild 20s, but as you’ve transitioned into your 30s, the bond has begun to fray.
You might have met her at a toddler playgroup, sharing laughs over diaper disasters and sleepless nights. Now that your kids are in school and you’ve moved on from those early struggles, the calls have become infrequent. Or maybe you became friends before motherhood, and as you witness her parenting style unravel, you’d rather endure a root canal than attend another playdate at her chaotic home.
Whatever the backstory, some friendships fade away or require serious reassessment. Occasionally, you need to channel your inner Elsa and let go. But how do you discern if the friendship is merely in a rough patch? Could this be a temporary “Ross and Rachel” moment where you might emerge stronger? Or are you on the verge of prematurely ending a relationship that deserves another chance?
Before making a final decision, ponder these five questions:
- When was the last time you genuinely enjoyed each other’s company?
If your answer is, “It must have been that time a decade ago at that club where we mistakenly walked into an over-70 strip club,” it’s time to reflect on your friendship. Consider the last time you both made an effort to connect, whether through a phone call or a face-to-face meeting. If it’s been ages, your friendship may be on shaky ground. - How did you learn about her latest big life event?
The way you receive updates about her life can reveal a lot. Did she share the news of her pregnancy with you in person, or did you discover it through a social media post? If you find out about her milestones from mutual acquaintances rather than directly from her, it may indicate that your closeness has diminished. - What emotions arise when you hear her name?
It’s common for friendships to evolve, sometimes for the worse. If thoughts of her make you tense or if you find yourself avoiding her in public places, it might be time to recognize that the connection has changed. If the friendship feels more like an obligation than a joy, it could be time to move on. - If you met her today, would you still choose to be friends?
In today’s digital age, it’s easy to accumulate “friends” online, but they often lack the depth of real-life connections. Reflect on whether you would form a friendship with her in person. If the thought gives you pause, it might be a sign that the relationship has run its course. - Is she one of your ‘Essential Friends’?
Think about the friends who would drop everything to support you during a crisis. These are the ones who show up with ice cream and a listening ear when life gets tough. If you find yourself questioning whether she holds that special status in your life, it’s likely she doesn’t anymore.
Coming to terms with a friendship that has changed or faded can be difficult. It often feels like admitting defeat, and ending a relationship can be painful. However, sometimes it’s necessary to let go of past connections to prioritize the friendships that truly matter.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some calls to make and drinks to prepare.
Summary:
Evaluating whether to end a friendship is challenging yet essential. Reflecting on the last time you enjoyed each other’s company, how you learn about each other’s life events, your emotional response to her name, whether you would still choose to be friends, and identifying true essential friends can guide your decision. If you find that a friendship has lost its spark, it may be time to move on for your well-being.