95 Indications You’re Prepared to Welcome Your Baby

At home insemination

Updated: March 30, 2021
Originally Published: November 20, 2014

As your pregnancy draws to a close, you might find yourself wondering how to recognize the signs that labor is approaching. Worry not! Here are 95 clear indicators that you may be on the verge of giving birth.

1. Around ten months ago, your healthcare provider confirmed your pregnancy.
2. Friends and strangers alike repeatedly inquire, “Haven’t you had that baby yet?”
3. You frequently update your social media to clarify, “No, I haven’t had the baby yet.”
4. Comfort is a distant memory; sleeping on your back or side with a mountain of pillows isn’t cutting it anymore.
5. You’re making countless trips to the bathroom daily—probably around 198 times.
6. Random people approach you in public to touch your belly.
7. You’ve just discovered a riveting book that you can’t put down.
8. The baby name debate is still unresolved.
9. Your mom arrived early to help with the baby, but now she’s critiquing your spice cabinet organization.
10. You’ve committed to a significant non-refundable deposit for a BABYMOON.
11. You find yourself crying because you didn’t get to go on that BABYMOON.
12. You’ve experienced something called THE BLOODY SHOW, which you can only explain with jazz hands.
13. Nightmares of giving birth to a fully grown Justin Bieber haunt your sleep.
14. You wake up from a dream where you and Justin Bieber were intimate, even though you can’t stand him.
15. Despite your disdain for him, you catch yourself singing “Baby” to your cat or houseplant.
16. Your uncle asks if you’re considering naming the baby after a family member.
17. You’ve started asking random people to help you tie your shoes.
18. You often exclaim, “I am so done with being pregnant!”
19. The thought of prenatal yoga no longer excites you.
20. You suddenly feel the urge to paint the nursery right away.
21. You find yourself Googling how many onesies are necessary.
22. A wave of panic hits as you debate circumcision.
23. You worry about the pay gap your daughter might face compared to male peers.
24. You have a hair appointment scheduled.
25. Your hospital bag remains unpacked.
26. Your OB-GYN hints that labor is imminent.
27. You get caught in traffic on a sweltering day.
28. You realize you’ll soon be teaching another human how to pee and poop.
29. A friend hosts an enticing BBQ, and you just know you’ll go into labor that day.
30. One of your other children has a mishap and breaks a limb.
31. The cashier at the grocery store predicts that you’ll have the baby soon.
32. It’s a special day—your anniversary or birthday—and soon it will also be your baby’s birthday.
33. Your pantry is devoid of any tasty snacks.
34. The cloth versus disposable diaper debate remains unsettled.
35. You still can’t choose between breastfeeding and bottle feeding.
36. You’re torn between attachment parenting and free-range methods.
37. You haven’t decided where the baby will sleep but post Instagram photos of your cat snoozing in the co-sleeper.
38. Heartburn has become your constant companion.
39. Your favorite leggings have developed a hole in the crotch.
40. You find yourself weeping at sentimental commercials and certain episodes of The Walking Dead.
41. Everyone insists on sharing their horror stories from childbirth.
42. You only crave a Chocolate Frosty from Wendy’s, yet no one seems to get the hint.
43. When your water breaks, you can’t distinguish it from a little accident.
44. Back pain has become your constant reality.
45. You rush to the hospital only to learn those were just Braxton Hicks contractions.
46. Your doctor announces a vacation during your due date.
47. You receive voicemails asking if you’ve had the baby yet.
48. Your gait resembles a waddle.
49. While assembling the crib, you discover crucial screws are missing.
50. You find yourself Googling safe wine consumption during late pregnancy.
51. You shoot glares at anyone you see enjoying a drink.
52. You worry about the cold medication you took before realizing you were pregnant.
53. You throw a magazine across the room after reading about celebrities bouncing back post-baby.
54. You can’t muster the energy to retrieve the magazine you tossed.
55. You’re fed up with every empire-waisted maternity shirt and fantasize about burning them.
56. Fatigue is your new reality.
57. Unless it’s 3 a.m., when you’re wide awake for another bathroom trip.
58. You search for methods to induce labor online.
59. You contemplate labor-inducing intimacy.
60. The idea of a magical salad to trigger labor crosses your mind.
61. You reconsider the option of a natural birth.
62. A major appliance suddenly breaks down.
63. Your neighbor shouts, “Any day now, huh?” from across the yard.
64. You lift your shirt to show your partner your breasts, declaring, “Have you seen these?”
65. Your breasts feel heavier than anything else in the universe.
66. You begin to resent seatbelts.
67. You vow never to let your child watch TV as a toddler.
68. You start planning for a push present.
69. You can’t decide whether your gift should be a Pandora charm bracelet.
70. Or perhaps just a Big Mac.
71. At the very least, it should be a candy bar.
72. It better be a candy bar.
73. The thought of pregnancy-themed adult content makes you laugh uncontrollably.
74. A fellow expectant friend announces the baby name you’ve been keeping secret.
75. Laughing leads to a little accidental pee.
76. You can’t stop admiring the tiny socks.
77. Your bathtub’s size is frustrating you.
78. You can’t recall if long baths are safe in the final weeks.
79. You find a Pinterest image of a luxurious bathtub and feel envious of those who have one.
80. No one brings you French fries, and you think they’re all inconsiderate.
81. The details of your Lamaze class are a blur.
82. You feel you can’t endure another day of pregnancy.
83. A relative shares their traumatic labor stories, leaving you unsettled.
84. You fear sharing a recovery room with an odd stranger.
85. You realize you haven’t purchased a car seat yet.
86. Installing a car seat feels like a daunting task.
87. The barista at your local cafe judges you for ordering caffeine, igniting your irritation.
88. Your cat insists on walking across your belly.
89. You feel like you’ll be pregnant forever.
90. You just sat down to enjoy a meal when…
91. Your contractions are now ten minutes apart.
92. And then they stop.
93. They resume just as you drift off to sleep.
94. They start again when your partner is on an international flight.
95. Your water really breaks right in the Target snack aisle.

This article was originally published on November 20, 2014.

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Summary:

This article humorously outlines 95 signs indicating that a person is nearing their labor stage. From the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy to the practical preparations that remain unfinished, it captures the essence of the final weeks of pregnancy and the anticipation of welcoming a new life.