Recently, I found myself pondering a significant question: What’s causing me to feel bad? Recognizing the roots of negative feelings is essential, as these emotions often serve as crucial indicators that something in your life may need adjusting. Once you pinpoint the sources of your discomfort, it’s time to work on eliminating them.
Upon reflection, I discovered I was trapped in a frustrating cycle. Small irritations would lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, causing me to react poorly, which in turn made me feel guilty and even worse. A common example: every morning, as I rummaged through our cluttered coat closet for hats and mittens, the chaos would frustrate me. This irritation frequently resulted in me snapping at my kids, Alice and Max. Following these outbursts, I would feel terrible, leading to more negative interactions.
While a messy closet isn’t a significant issue, a short temper can have serious consequences. To address my irritability, I decided to focus on some practical, foundational changes:
- Avoiding prolonged hunger
- Dressing appropriately for the weather
- Taking pain relief for headaches or tension
- Going to bed as soon as I felt sleepy
- Tidying up and organizing my space
These small adjustments significantly decreased my irritability, which in turn lessened the guilt associated with my behavior. Mess may not be a critical problem, but chronic irritability is.
After considering what makes you feel bad, it’s crucial to apply the Eighth Commandment: “Identify the problem.” Why do you feel angry, guilty, envious, or anxious? For instance, if guilt arises from allowing your kids to watch too much TV, ask yourself: Are they truly watching too much? Who defines “too much”? Do you care about this, or is it just a societal expectation? Think of possible solutions—should you ban TVs altogether, limit them to weekends, or only allow certain types of content? You can either decide it’s not a real issue or take action to change it.
Moreover, it’s often possible to “re-frame” your outlook. For example, I used to resent being the one to manage bill payments. But when I considered whether I would want my partner, Sam, to take over that task, I realized I preferred to handle it myself. Recognizing that I value this responsibility diminished my frustration.
To combat my own negative feelings, I’ve worked on various personal habits: curbing gossip, visiting family more frequently, cleaning the kitchen post-meals, managing my clothing, and being present with my children rather than distracted by the news. Additionally, I’ve committed to challenging myself more, despite the discomfort it brings. This push helps alleviate the bad feelings associated with feeling stagnant or unproductive.
Ultimately, the key is to identify why you’re feeling bad and determine what steps you can take to change that feeling. Whether you choose to resolve the issue or accept the situation, action is essential. If you’re struggling with self-esteem, remember that acting in ways that align with your values can significantly improve how you feel about yourself.
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In summary, feeling bad often signals areas of our lives that need attention. By identifying sources of discomfort, making necessary changes, or re-framing our perspectives, we can alleviate negative feelings and foster personal growth.