Welcome to the “Mom Collective,” a sanctuary for everyday mothers like us who are weary of the constant competition and judgment from outsiders. Before you seek admission, please familiarize yourself with our guiding principles:
- No Pre-Visit Tidying: Leave the house as is when fellow moms come to visit. If your home is spotless, you’re out. And if you think we should tidy up before your arrival, you’re out too.
- Refer to Gatherings as “Sessions”: When planning lunch, coffee, or wine dates with fellow moms, don’t simply say you’re going out for these things. Inform others that you’re attending a crucial session. If you’re too straightforward about it, you’re out of the collective.
- Keep Critiques to Yourself: Don’t critique another mom’s children. Even if she’s expressing frustration about her own kid, resist the urge to chime in. She has the right to voice her opinions; you do not. Just nod, assure her she’s doing great, and refill everyone’s glasses.
- Don’t Overindulge in Minor Holidays: Valentine’s Day? St. Patrick’s Day? Flag Day? They’re not real holidays! It’s fine to acknowledge them lightly—perhaps with an adult beverage. But please, refrain from elaborate decorations and themed crafts, and whatever you do, don’t distribute gifts from elves or leprechauns. It’s simply too much for the rest of us to handle.
- Know Your Limits for Volunteering: Contributing is important, but don’t be the mom who takes on every task. Others may start to resent you, and you’ll find yourself too busy for our “sessions.”
- Invest in Yourself: This isn’t about pampering yourself with a spa day; it’s about self-care. Call it a rejuvenation day, personal training, or skill enhancement. Otherwise, outsiders might misinterpret your intentions.
- Alert Your Co-Members: If you’ve had “the talk” with your kids about sex or revealed the truth behind Santa Claus, give us a heads-up so we can brace ourselves and our children for the conversation.
- Keep Your Commitments Private: We’re happy to babysit occasionally, but don’t expect us to attend every dance recital, sports event, or spelling bee. Your obligations are yours alone; ours are already quite heavy.
- No Judgment or Unasked-for Advice: If you have strong opinions about breastfeeding, potty training, or any other parenting issue, keep them to yourself. We’re all just trying to survive this parenting journey. Only share your thoughts if someone specifically asks for input.
- Protect Your Fellow Members’ Reputations: If you’re excelling in domestic duties like cooking or cleaning, please don’t mention it in front of our partners. We prefer to keep such successes to ourselves.
Think you can uphold these principles? The initiation process is challenging, and the temptation to break the rules is ever-present. We’d be delighted to welcome you.
For those interested in exploring topics related to pregnancy and self-insemination, consider checking out this informative resource as well. And for practical tips on creating a home insemination kit, you might want to visit this blog post.
In summary, the Mom Collective is a supportive space that prioritizes understanding and camaraderie over judgment. By adhering to our guidelines, members can enjoy a judgment-free environment while navigating the complexities of motherhood together.