Just yesterday, I made a significant decision: I was finished with yelling—once and for all. It’s been a full day since I embarked on this journey, and during these 24 hours, I’ve been acutely aware of every word I’ve uttered. This time was necessary for me to reflect on the 5 W’s: who, what, when, where, and why regarding my outbursts. What I discovered was eye-opening.
The “Who”
First, let’s discuss the “who.” Who was causing my yelling? It seemed like an obvious answer—my kids! But upon deeper reflection, I realized I had been quick to shift blame. No one forced me to raise my voice; I was the one allowing it to happen, relinquishing my self-control. Quite the revelation!
The “What”
Next, I contemplated the “what.” What scenarios triggered my yelling? Primarily, it stemmed from anything that infringed on my time or finances. For instance, if I accidentally spilled powdered sugar, it felt like a catastrophe, wasting precious time I had earmarked for more important tasks. I would think, “I don’t have time for this! What is wrong with you?”
The messes often led to damaged items: a broken picture frame, a lamp, or even a DVD player. The frustration would boil over as I exclaimed, “Do you know how much those cost? What is wrong with you?” Most of these incidents related to not following directions. I would find myself exasperated, thinking, “If you had done what I said, this wouldn’t have happened!”
The “When” and “Where”
The timing and location of my outbursts—my “when” and “where”—were also revealing. I noticed that I was most prone to yell in three key situations: getting everyone into the car, at meal times, and when I was distracted by the computer or phone.
The “Why”
This leads me to the most crucial aspect: the “why.” Why was I yelling? At first glance, it seemed to be a reaction to my kids’ behavior. However, the truth was more complicated and lay within me. I identified three main reasons for my yelling:
- Laziness: How many times had I yelled from downstairs for my children to come down? Or waited too long to check on them when they were too quiet, only to discover a mess? My reluctance to move was often the catalyst for my frustration.
- Poor Planning: When I failed to prepare ahead of time for meals or activities, I found myself overwhelmed and snapping at my kids, who only wanted my attention as I rushed to catch up.
- Unreasonable Expectations: With five kids under ten, it was unrealistic to expect them to cooperate on command, especially when they hadn’t seen me in a while. They weren’t being difficult; they were simply being children.
In assessing my yelling habits, I realized that the real issue lay not with my kids but with my own approach. Making a conscious effort to curb my outbursts is a step in the right direction.
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In summary, I’ve realized that the path to better parenting starts with self-reflection and understanding the root causes of my reactions. By focusing on my behavior, I hope to foster a more peaceful environment for my family.