Currently, I find myself without a job—not due to any shortcomings on my part, but rather the result of unexpected layoffs. It’s an odd situation, really. The kids are back in school, we’ve adjusted to a new routine, and I suddenly have three days a week where I’m unoccupied. It’s all good, though. I write, I tackle the basement cleanup, and I whip up a plethora of nutritious snacks. (I’ve taken to adding raisins to chocolate chip cookies because, hey, fruit is healthy, right? They taste amazing! Plus, no one else in my family eats them, so I get to enjoy my healthy treats guilt-free!)
I also find myself spending plenty of time on the couch, “resting, rejuvenating, and reviving” my spirit—which really means binge-watching television. I tend to be a bit traditional in my viewing habits; I don’t indulge in much on-demand content. I prefer the thrill of flipping through channels to see what surprises await. This old-school approach means I end up watching a fair number of commercials, and I’ve grown accustomed to the inevitable interruptions.
Commercial breaks give me a chance to dash to the bathroom, snack on a healthy chocolate-chip-fruit cookie, and shift the laundry around. Recently, one commercial caught my attention in an astonishing way. It felt like I had time-traveled back to 1985, reminiscent of the movie Peggy Sue Got Married. The reason for my bewilderment? An ad promoting the “must-have” fall fashion: stirrup pants.
I can vividly recall the stirrup pants craze during my junior high years, when every girl in my class owned at least one pair. The big debate back then was whether to wear socks on the inside or outside of the pants. Most opted for the outside look, which, while obscuring the stirrup feature, certainly made a statement. If you chose the inside option, you were marginally less cool, but at least everyone knew you were in stirrup pants, and that was what mattered.
While I’m certain these pants have undergone some modern updates, let’s be real: there’s only so much you can do to enhance stirrup pants. They are what they are—similar to a bra. No matter how much lace you apply or the colors you choose, it’s still fundamentally a bra. There’s a limit to how much you can embellish it.
Moreover, stirrup pants are incredibly uncomfortable. The woman in the commercial struts confidently in her heels, making the pants seem like the ultimate fashion statement. But I know the reality. The stirrup strap hugs the bottom of her foot, right across the arch. It’s a thick elastic that only stretches a tiny bit with her movement. Each step she takes limits her stride as the strap pulls down on her pants, which inevitably results in an awkward hike-up that’s hardly glamorous.
We’re all aware that the soles of our feet are packed with nerve endings, which is why they’re so sensitive. This is precisely why stirrup straps become unbearable after just a few minutes. The constant tugging on the foot creates an annoying sensation that doesn’t fade away. It’s akin to having a sock seam irritating your toe, no matter how you adjust it.
At this stage in my life, I have no desire to revisit those feelings. The only place I want an elastic strap is around my waist. Back in junior high, we quickly grew tired of the discomfort and started wearing the pants in a way that let the stirrups hang off the backs of our legs. It looked peculiar, but it was far more comfortable, and ultimately became the fashionable choice.
After that initial stirrup pant phase, they vanished from the scene. Anyone who dared to wear them the following year was considered uncool, regardless of how they styled them. I suspect this current misguided revival will meet a similar fate. It’s not just the discomfort that will drive people away; it’s the association we now have with the term “stirrup,” which conjures images of doctor visits. No one who sported stirrup pants back in the day is going to endorse a trend that reminds them of paper gowns and the not-so-glamorous instruction to “scoot to the end of the table.”
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In summary, stirrup pants may be attempting a comeback, but their discomfort and the nostalgic baggage they carry suggest they won’t stick around for long.