It’s clear that modern etiquette is deteriorating, largely due to the influence of smartphones and social media, especially among younger generations. The last gathering I hosted had 30 invitees. Only two responded promptly, declining due to being out of town. Of the remaining 28, 13 decided to RSVP the day before the event, while four let me know they wouldn’t be coming. Four others texted on the morning of the party to confirm their attendance, and one even messaged during the event to say he wouldn’t be making it, as if he were escaping from a tight situation. The rest? Silence. Perhaps they’ve vanished from the face of the Earth.
This behavior drives me insane. I put significant effort into preparing for gatherings: cleaning my home, stowing away any personal items I’d rather not share, and ensuring that everything looks presentable. I even scrape soap scum from the dish in the bathroom and clean the shower curtain, which has been smeared with chocolate thanks to my toddler.
Yet the most daunting task is planning the menu. I’ve faced countless leftovers from extravagant meals, and I’ve run out of food within the first hour of hosting when unexpected guests show up. It’s a chaotic approach to modern entertaining, akin to a pop-up event.
So, what should a host do in today’s RSVP landscape? We still want to socialize and host events, even if guests can’t commit until the last minute. If you’re like me, you might not know what you want to do on Saturday by Tuesday either, but it’s crucial to gauge attendance. The saddest scenario is enjoying a lavish meal all alone.
To gain some insights, I reached out to Clara Martin, a skilled hostess and author of “The Timeless Feast,” a guide on the joys of entertaining. Clara has a knack for putting on memorable events and her calm demeanor can be a breath of fresh air for those of us who take etiquette too seriously.
I asked her for advice on navigating the modern RSVP conundrum. “First, focus on boosting your RSVPs,” she suggested. “I often hype my gatherings in my invitations, making them sound like events you simply can’t miss. Set high expectations. Use imaginative descriptions that entice people to join.”
I got the message: make it exciting! But what about food prep? What if those leftovers pile up again?
“Out with the fancy fish dishes; in with the versatile sausages,” she advised. “I once planned a dinner for six that suddenly turned into a gathering of 13. I had to rush to the butcher for sausages, but they saved the day. I also aim for meals that can be frozen if needed, like hearty casseroles, charcuterie boards, or picnic-style spreads.”
Noted: stock up on sausages and easy-to-freeze dishes, like pulled pork, so I’m prepared for unexpected guests.
Lastly, I asked Clara how to cope with the emotional frustration that often accompanies late RSVPs. She responded thoughtfully, “If a last-minute RSVP throws you off balance, it might be a sign to reassess how you handle life’s little bumps. Maintaining a positive outlook can inspire others to be more considerate too.”
In summary, the decline of RSVPs reflects a shift in social norms driven by technology. To adapt, hosts should elevate the excitement of their invitations and prepare flexible menus that can accommodate last-minute changes. By embracing a more relaxed attitude toward RSVPs, we can foster a more enjoyable social experience for everyone involved.