“You can’t just talk it away.”
“I’m not trying to talk anything away. I’m simply –”
A futile attempt to return to places that once brought joy, as if the location had any bearing on the feelings tied to it. But she mused, it’s all we possess, this notion of going back, which could easily be equated with faith; a faith she felt unworthy of holding onto anymore – yet here she was, pretending. Pretending was the only way to fend off the memories that haunted her. So, there they were. When great changes are anticipated but fail to materialize, and you revert to your former self, what’s left but to feign happiness?
“The beach?” he asked. “What about that little beach with the broken chairs?”
“Yes.”
And so they walked in silence for three blocks until they reached the shore, relieved to find the chairs had disappeared. They settled on the grass as he launched into a tirade about real estate. It always came back to that. He believed they would ruin this place, too. He poured out his disdain for the affluent – the looters! – and his anger was as sincere as his yearning for the wealth that seemed perpetually out of reach, regardless of his efforts. He embraced the contradiction openly, and she adored him for his unabashed hypocrisy. Resenting what you desired felt entirely natural to her. Now, he was attributing the absence of the chairs to the wealthy, who sought to “improve” everything they touched, ultimately destroying it. As for her, though she remained silent and not truly listening, the absence of the chairs meant something had shifted since their last visit, and she was grateful for this subtle acknowledgment of change.
“It would be nice to break some new chairs and leave them here.”
She gazed at the water, the bobbing sailboats, and the structure that resembled a floating doghouse. At least that was still there. She almost pointed it out but refrained, fearing that acknowledging it might cause it to vanish or transform. A worn boat with a shingled roof was moored amidst the sails. It was a contradiction – she was glad the chairs were gone, yet relieved the doghouse boat remained. But there you had it. Time was still on their side. The odds were not in their favor, but not overwhelmingly so, which meant there was still time. Such things happen daily. It had even happened to her once in her thirties, and she had felt a strange relief then. Grief, she thought, was situational, like everything else. Location, location, location – she could hear him saying that, though now he was discussing dinner plans. Part of her wanted him to notice the doghouse boat independently, while another part wished otherwise. Was this her dilemma? Chronic conflicting desires? Yes, there was still time, but couldn’t someone mourn what could have been? There was a certain ruthlessness to optimism. The damp grass poured through her sundress. Later, at the small inn by the yacht club, they would undress, and intimacy would serve as a welcome distraction. She had always enjoyed hotel escapades, partly due to the freedom from worries about cleanliness. She always left a generous tip on the nightstand. Now, it also allowed her to channel her frustration – yes – at his incessant chatter and at God, a concept she hadn’t contemplated much until now. Now she found it almost believable, a great eye in the sky observing every move. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. He seemed indecisive as well. This empty vessel.
Later, she would moan loudly enough to startle the innkeepers.
“Not in the mood for fish?” he asked. “Why not? Last time –” The boats bobbed while the land cradled the bay like a crooked arm.
This narrative illustrates the complexities of human emotions and relationships. The characters grapple with their past, the weight of expectations, and the struggle for authenticity amid life’s contradictions, making it a relatable exploration of hope and despair. If you’re interested in topics like this, you might also find value in learning about the Baby Maker Home Insemination Kit for insights on parenting. Additionally, for expert advice on infant sleep methods, check out resources from Intracervical Insemination. For further information on IVF and related matters, News Medical serves as an excellent resource.