Some individuals assert that their romantic lives remained unaffected after welcoming children, while others claim their intimacy actually increased post-baby. I find that hard to believe.
Now, don’t misunderstand—I appreciate a good romp in the sheets. However, it’s difficult to accept that anyone’s sex life remains the same or, heaven forbid, improves with the arrival of kids. It seems improbable unless, of course, you weren’t particularly active in that department before parenthood. If that’s the case, I genuinely sympathize.
But then again, if you weren’t getting much action before becoming parents, you might not feel the sting of the dramatic decline in intimacy once the kids arrive. Perhaps the secret is to set your expectations low from the start, allowing you to feel like a victor in the end (if you catch my drift).
Now, let’s skip the judgment of those less adventurous and dive into the matter at hand: having kids often puts a serious damper on your sex life.
I’m no relationship guru, but I’ve identified five distinct stages couples navigate in their intimate lives:
1. The Dating Phase
Ah, the thrill of this stage! You recall the excitement—every encounter felt electric, and restraint was a challenge. I spent the initial six months with my partner sporting what I call “Just Been…” hair—yes, you can imagine what that entails!
2. Cohabitation
This phase kicks off with great enthusiasm. After all, every date leading to moving in typically culminates in sex, so it’s natural to assume intimacy will become a daily affair. But oh, how quickly that optimism fades!
3. The “Goalie is Pulled” Phase
Also known as the “we’re trying” phase, this is a brief yet exhilarating time. After you stop using contraception, it feels as if you’ve returned to the dating phase, full of passion. But as time drags on without a pregnancy, intimacy can start to feel more like a (mostly enjoyable) scientific experiment.
4. Pregnancy!
Entering this phase fills you with joy, but then morning sickness arrives. Let me tell you, nothing kills the mood faster than your partner witnessing you hurl repeatedly. The silver lining? By the second trimester, you typically start to feel better. However, many men become less enthusiastic as your belly grows, fearing they might be “poking the baby.”
5. The “Sex is a Myth” Phase
Once you reach this stage, your intimate life will be irreversibly transformed. Scheduling intimacy around naps and bedtime becomes the norm, and when you finally find the energy for a little romance, you must pray the baby stays asleep—because any cries or babbles can instantly ruin the mood.
While I recognize there may be more than five phases in this journey of love, my partner and I haven’t experienced them all yet. I suspect that once our child begins school in a couple of years, we might find ourselves back at square one, perhaps even enjoying spontaneous midday encounters again. If I’m wrong about that, I’d prefer not to hear about it.
For more insights on the ups and downs of intimacy after parenthood, check out our article on the impregnator at home insemination kit where you can find helpful tips. For an authority on this topic, Sweet Onions provides useful resources, and for comprehensive information about pregnancy, visit Healthline.
In summary, the transition to parenthood significantly alters the dynamics of intimacy, often leading couples through a series of distinct phases. Each stage brings its own challenges and joys, reshaping the romantic landscape in ways that can be both surprising and bittersweet.