Contrary to popular belief, a man’s best friend isn’t a dog—it’s his penis. This “friendship” begins on the very first day when someone attempts to cover it with a diaper. In my household, I’ve encountered enough chaos in our bathroom to confidently assert that boys are, in fact, little wildlings. This statement is made with affection, of course. They’re instinctively drawn to their primal urges, especially when nature calls. What many mothers may not realize when embarking on the journey of motherhood is that potty training kicks off from day one and continues well into adulthood.
Are you skeptical? In the spirit of transparency, I’m ready to share twelve unfiltered truths about boys and their bathroom habits. So, grab your rubber gloves and maybe a glass of wine—you’re going to need them!
- Potty Training Begins at Birth
The moment a nurse or midwife hands you your son, you enter the world of potty training. Get ready for the inevitable moments of being peed and pooped on while learning to manage cloth or disposable diapers. - Welcome to the Poop Rodeo
I’m convinced that infant boys invented wrestling during diaper changes. The squirming, wriggling, and whining is a masterclass in their desire to be free, and yes, this freedom often leads to poop ending up everywhere. - Boys Are Obsessed with Their Poop
Every morning, I hear my four-year-old eagerly discussing his poop—its size, color, and aroma. He even wants to know my opinion on it. Yes, buddy, you made poop, but guess what? I created you! - Farting Becomes a Sport
A boy’s laughter can often be triggered by the sound of flatulence. By age three, my oldest discovered he could produce these sounds, leading to a game of running up to me and tooting, followed by fits of giggles. - Houseplants: Targets for “Outdoor Pee Practice”
My poor rubber tree met its demise after my son decided to practice his outdoor urination skills on it. His imagination ran wild when told he could pee outside in the spring. - Boys Discover Their “Fun Parts” Early
Both of my sons were well aware of their prized anatomy well before their first birthdays. Not a day goes by without them grabbing, shaking, or twisting their “fun parts” numerous times. - Bathroom Aim Becomes a Sport
Peeing on the toilet seat, floor, and even the bathtub seems like a competition that I didn’t sign up for. I often wonder if my boys are secretly competing for points in this game. - The Toilet Seat Battle Rages On
My husband, at 37, still hasn’t mastered the art of putting the toilet seat down. I find myself repeating this request as often as I threaten timeout for jumping off the couch. - Peeing Outside is the Ultimate Freedom
The day my husband told our oldest he could pee outside was the day he discovered true freedom. Since then, my son has claimed more territory in our garden than our family dog. - Explaining Gender Differences is Awkward
Once you have boys, privacy while using the bathroom is a luxury you won’t have. When they notice that I lack a penis, explaining why becomes an awkward adventure in biology. - “Privacy” Requests Are Suspect
If a four-year-old boy asks for privacy in the bathroom, it’s likely because he’s trying to flush toys down the toilet. In our house, kids need to be old enough to understand privacy to actually get it. - Public Announcements About Potty Triumphs
At some point, while grocery shopping, your son will announce to the cashier that he just made a giant poop in the toilet and flushed it. And don’t worry—he’ll share this story with neighbors and anyone who will listen.
Potty training is about more than just teaching a child to use the toilet without making a mess; it’s a lesson in bodily functions, social boundaries, humility, humor, and a mother’s patience.
For more insights into parenting and home insemination, check out this post. Also, if you’re interested in preparing your child for real cycling, visit this guide on balance bikes. Additionally, for an authoritative resource on pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC provides useful information here.
Summary:
Boys and their bathroom habits offer a unique blend of chaos and humor. From early potty training to the joys of outdoor urination, navigating these experiences can be both challenging and entertaining for parents. Understanding these truths can help prepare you for the wild ride that comes with raising boys.