Some mothers aim for that crunchy lifestyle, while others stumble into it simply because it’s convenient. I find myself in the latter category. If you relate, you might nod along when fellow parents use certain terms, only for entirely different reasons than a true crunchy mom would.
- Carrying Baby: You’re too lazy to assemble the double stroller, so you toss your toddler into the umbrella stroller, strap your baby in a Bjorn, and call it a day.
- Self-Directed Weaning: You can’t be bothered to mash vegetables into oblivion.
- Sharing Sleep Space: You won’t help the younger baby learn to sleep alone because your two-year-old is easily disturbed by sounds and wouldn’t tolerate any crying from their sibling.
- Texture Exploration Bin: A large plastic container filled with dry foods that seemed like a brilliant idea from Pinterest. Those rogue lentils will find their way into every crevice of your home and remain until the end of time, serving as a food source for cockroaches long after humans are gone.
- Hydration Station: Actually just a birdbath that came with your house.
- Extended Nursing: Baby has developed a strong sleep connection with your nipples…see point #3.
- Unstructured Playtime: It’s pouring outside. The kids have already consumed more screen time than you’d like to admit. Let’s see what they can create with the tubing from your breast pump, a funnel, and an old calculator.
- Child-Driven Activities: Also known as “mommy doesn’t feel like entertaining you right now.”
- Reusing: Hand-me-downs are the only way to keep your kids clothed since every present you received was for a 0-3 month-old, and your hefty babies outgrew them before you even got home from the hospital. So what if your daughter is wearing a shirt with a green dump truck? She’ll just cover it in food anyway…see point #2.
- Social Media Sharing: A platform where you upload pictures of your toddler’s organic avocado/blueberry/free-range egg breakfast, but conveniently skip the photos of their shortbread/juice box/leftover pizza lunch.
- Home Learning Collective: Essentially a fancy playdate, and the only time you interact with other adults. Someone’s child is always crying. You feel a sense of superiority when it isn’t yours (must have been those breakfast blueberries), and you create excuses when it is (“Sammy is teething,” “Lucy has separation anxiety”).
- Natural Immune Development: Yep, your 6-month-old just discovered a Cheerio on the floor. Those microbes are beneficial for her, regardless of whether the refined-carb-gluten-laden snack isn’t.
- On-Demand Feeding: She’s crying? Hand her the boob. The boob has magical powers.
- Upcycling: You forgot to toss that last Amazon box, and now your toddler believes it’s a toy.
- Fabric Diapering: You know what? The die-hard crunchy moms can handle the cloth diapering all on their own.
Next time a holistic supermom invites you to a chickenpox gathering, or offers you a kombucha starter, just smile with confidence, knowing you’re not alone as a casual crunchy mom.
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In summary, this piece offers a humorous take on the buzzwords and concepts that resonate with mothers who find themselves embracing the crunchy lifestyle by circumstance rather than intention. Embrace the chaos, and know that there are others navigating similar waters.