Updated: Sep. 23, 2016
Originally Published: July 5, 2014
As a new mother or someone expecting, you’ll find that unsolicited advice comes pouring in from all angles. You’ll hear clichés like “savor every second” or “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Seriously? While I may not have all the answers, I do have one crucial piece of advice that I wish someone shared with me: Avoid becoming that mom who thinks she knows everything.
I see you, Overachieving New Mom. You’re just like I used to be—immersed in research, making extensive lists, and seeking knowledge to prepare for your little one. But trust me, as a mentally drained mother of five, you’re paving the way for the wrong kind of experience. No matter if you have one child or five, YOU DON’T WANT TO PLAY THE EXPERT. Here’s why:
My First Experience
Let’s rewind to the time when I had my first child. My husband was home for two weeks, and it was mostly me caring for our adorable baby boy. I took charge, changing, burping, and feeding him, believing my extensive reading gave me all the answers. If my husband tried to hold him, I’d jump in with “helpful” advice about his technique, and before long, it was back in my arms.
A Typical Saturday
Fast forward to last Saturday morning at my place. I woke up early and set out breakfast because I alone knew what the kids preferred. I dictated their outfits, despite the fact they’d been playing soccer for two months. I was the one who knew where all the necessary gear was, including shin guards and uniforms.
When it was time to leave, I crouched down to tie shoelaces while my husband caught up on his iPad, as he didn’t know the routines. I handed him the bag filled with clothes, lunch, and drinks. The kids bombarded me with questions that I answered like a pro. By 9 a.m., I was so drained from managing every detail that I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed.
In the afternoon, my “downtime” was spent replying to emails from schools, coaches, and PTA groups, all starting with “Just a friendly reminder!” I had to choose library hours for the kids and figure out which birthday parties we could skip. Summer was approaching, which meant researching camps! All the while, the kids sat in front of the TV, and I felt guilty watching my husband download music for his iPod!
The Dinner Dilemma
Dinner time rolled around, and it was time for our usual Saturday pizza. Even though we’d ordered the same thing for years, my husband still waited for me to tell him to place the order. Why? Because I had trained him over the years to avoid making any decisions regarding the kids.
Who Do You Want to Be?
So, who do you want to be? The 1-800 Call Center for your family or the parent who gets to enjoy fun moments? If you’re not cautious, you might find yourself in my shoes, complaining like many moms do. But the truth is, it’s largely our fault for taking charge from the moment our little ones arrived. We’ve conditioned our partners to wait for instructions.
So, stop right there. Embrace the chaos: stains, mismatched outfits, missed naps, and even letting the baby watch a show while you unwind. Let your partner take the reins, even if it means things get messy. You might find yourself enjoying life again and maybe even savoring a little peace. When you return home, resist the urge to criticize any small mishaps you encounter, like spit-up on the carpet.
I’m working on changing my ways, but I won’t lie—it’s a challenge. However, I want to spare you from the same fate. You’ll be grateful for this advice in the long run.
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Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of sharing parenting responsibilities with your partner and avoiding the trap of trying to control every aspect of your child’s life. By letting go of the need to be the expert, you can enjoy parenting more and reduce stress. Embracing the chaos and imperfections can lead to a happier family dynamic.