I want to express my deepest regrets for the way things have unfolded in our lives. I carry the weight of guilt for disrupting the stability of your home and your childhood. While I believe that our separation is ultimately for the best, I understand your feelings. You’ve made it clear that you would prefer us to coexist under one roof, even if that meant living with some tension, rather than being apart in a more peaceful environment. You might not know that I was struggling deeply, feeling as if I was barely surviving, and now, I can finally breathe again. At your ages of 7 and 10, the desire for your parents to be together is completely understandable, and for that, I am truly sorry.
I regret that you have to navigate the challenges of switching between two homes. The mere act of packing for a weekend away brings me anxiety as I try to remember everything you might need: clothes, shoes, electronics, and toiletries. You handle the transitions remarkably well, rarely complaining, even when you have to go without something from the other house. It must be exhausting for both of us, and I take responsibility for creating this situation.
I’m also sorry that you now have to witness your dad and me dating other people, sharing affection that might feel uncomfortable or confusing. While I hope that you learn from seeing what a healthy relationship looks like, I understand that this lesson isn’t exactly what you want to focus on right now. Watching your parents show affection to someone else can be awkward and unsettling.
Even with our best efforts to shield you from conflict, the reality of our separation inevitably puts you in the middle. When you spend time with your dad and tell me about the fun you had, I feel joy for you, but I sense that you might carry a bit of guilt for enjoying those moments. I apologize for that.
I know you miss me at bedtime, feel lonely sometimes in your new environment, and grapple with the logistics of whose house you’ll be sleeping in each night. Explaining to your friends that you have two homes can be challenging, and the need to relay messages between us adds to your burden. You deserve the freedom to spend time with both your parents without any limitations or guilt. On your 10th birthday, when you expressed sadness about having to wait a whole year for a special dinner with just me, you, and your dad, my heart ached for you. I wish things could be different.
Most of all, I regret that I can’t fully understand what it means to be a child of divorce. While I can relate to feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and the desire for connection, I cannot know your specific pain. I will be by your side as you navigate this path, but I recognize that my experiences do not encompass your reality. I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused, and I know that “sorry” is a small word for the depth of my feelings.
I hope that this challenging chapter in your life is just a small part of your journey, and I believe that you will emerge with valuable lessons that will shape you into compassionate individuals. You see your dad and me as people, not just parents, and this broader perspective will serve you well.
My love for you outweighs my guilt. While I lament the difficulties that divorce brings, I stand firm in my conviction that this was the best choice for all of us.
But I’m still sorry.
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