One day, my 13-year-old daughter, Mia, came up with a bold proposal. “If you give me $100, I’ll cover all my expenses for the school year.” This idea had sparked from her cousin, who is known for being financially savvy.
“What does ‘all expenses’ include?” I inquired.
My husband chimed in, “Have her write a proposal.”
Mia eagerly grabbed a pen, her mind racing with visions of a crisp $100 bill.
Initially, I hesitated; parting with a single sum of $100 felt daunting. But soon, it became clear that her proposal could lead to a valuable lesson in financial responsibility. Thirteen-year-olds, after all, are in pursuit of independence—Mia is no exception. She resented my attempts to help with small tasks like zipping her coat, brushing her hair, or suggesting what to eat for lunch. She wanted to determine her own bedtime, outfit choices, and even the contents of her lunchbox.
As she approached high school, college, budgeting, and eventually motherhood, I hoped that this $100 allowance might serve as a positive step toward independence.
Her proposal encompassed a wide array of expenses: clothing, shoes, movies, food, sporting events, and birthday gifts for friends. I paused, knowing full well that $100 wouldn’t stretch far enough. Yet, she confidently insisted she could manage, and with that, I signed the agreement.
September Expenses:
- $20 on school supplies, including a few colorful ballpoint pens
- A $5 shirt from a local store
- Two lip glosses for $7
- A stylish pair of wedge shoes for $30
I wish I could say I remained silent about the $30 shoes, but I couldn’t help but exclaim, “Thirty dollars?” This irritated Mia, who reminded me that it was her money, not mine. I quickly apologized and promised to keep my comments to myself. However, within thirty minutes, after contemplating her purchases, she experienced buyer’s remorse and returned the shoes.
I kept repeating to myself: Stay silent. It was her journey to navigate.
September turned out to be a blissful month, with Mia feeling financially liberated. She made small purchases like candy bars and a discount pair of jeans, even showering her siblings with rewards for running errands.
Then came October. On the 1st, she found a fashionable blue coat for $40.
And just like that, the excitement wore off.
By October 2nd: broke.
On October 5th: “I think we should reevaluate my budget,” she declared, concern etched on her face. I smiled, knowing full well that the contract was binding. There was no room for negotiation. That’s when Mia got proactive. Whenever I was busy with her younger siblings, she’d shout, “Can you ask if I can babysit?” After completing household chores, she’d inquire, “Can I earn some money for that?”
With the holidays approaching and spring track shoes on her wishlist, she began calculating her finances. She picked up spare change and practiced the piano diligently, as Grandma rewarded her for each book mastered. She even became open to less desirable babysitting gigs.
This experience proved enlightening for me as well. I have always enjoyed shopping for my kids, seizing sales, and picking up items here and there. But now, with the allowance in play, I resisted the urge to intervene, knowing that doing so would undermine the lesson. Occasionally, I did buy her a Chapstick, prompting a heartfelt, “Thank you, Mommy!” and a warm hug.
Over the course of a month, I witnessed Mia manage her finances more effectively. Surprisingly, there were no dramatic pleas for clothing; she was independently navigating her choices. Moreover, I noticed a newfound appreciation for the items I purchased for her.
Another unexpected outcome? Her three younger siblings now desire their own $100 allowances. Rather than frown at the thought, I found myself smiling, looking forward to having more spending money.
Here’s a suggested approach:
- Clearly define expectations: decide who covers what costs (it’s often effective to have kids use their own money for “extras”).
- Collaborate with your child to create lists of wants versus needs and discuss what belongs on each.
- Assist in developing a personal budget and document it in writing.
- Finalize the agreement with signatures.
- Maintain a simple ledger (or a digital spreadsheet): track money in and money out.
- Avoid purchasing items for them or bailing them out!
Although Mia hasn’t yet accepted my offer for paid chores like weeding the garden or cleaning the chicken coop (that day may be a long time coming), I choose to remain patient. I understand that when she truly needs the money, she’ll reach out for a job.
My mother used to say that chores were meant to build self-esteem, a concept I failed to grasp at 14. However, I now recognize the truth in her words. The look of empowerment on Mia’s face when she earns something she desires equals pure joy.
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In summary, Mia’s $100 allowance transformed her financial awareness and independence, providing valuable lessons in budgeting, responsibility, and gratitude.