“Oh my goodness, she is just precious!” I can tell immediately who the stranger is admiring without even glancing up from the cereal box I’m pretending to read.
“Where does she get that stunning red hair? And those big brown eyes…” The woman’s voice fades as she gazes, captivated by my daughter’s extraordinary features. “Actually, red hair is a recessive trait, so my husband and I must have carried it down from our families,” I respond, trying to remain courteous while suppressing the urge to roll my eyes at the familiar conversation. I know I’ll hear it again at least once more before I leave the grocery store. I glance at my other two daughters, whose caramel locks and lighter eyes resemble my husband and me. Yet my middle daughter is like a cartoon angel—almost too beautiful to be believed.
The compliments about her appearance began the moment she entered the world, with nurses doting on her charm, and they haven’t stopped since.
Everywhere we go, it’s the same. “She’s just… I’ve never seen a baby so perfect!” “She should model for a magazine!” “She’s definitely the cutest of your kids…and she knows it.”
While all three of my daughters are lovely, my middle child seems to have a special glow. They have all had the same teachers, but my middle daughter enjoys privileges that the others don’t. People often assume she has a wonderful personality simply because of her looks. “What a darling little girl, and so intelligent!” they exclaim as she engages in a rather ungraceful act of nose-picking during church.
She’s often chosen for lead roles in school plays, engaged in more discussions than her siblings, and at my blogging events, she’s frequently approached by PR representatives for photos.
This attention is a new experience for me; I’ve always relied on my personality to connect with others. As Amy Poehler quips, my charm has been my social currency. During my single days, I often found myself lingering near the restrooms, waiting for my friends to snag complimentary drinks, before swooping in as the designated talker to keep potential suitors at bay.
Don’t get me wrong—being slightly less conventionally attractive has its perks. It pushed me to cultivate my character, my parents never had to worry about me becoming a teenage mother, and I’ve likely saved a fortune on beauty pageant dresses. However, let’s be honest—life is generally simpler for those deemed attractive. Whether it’s dating, forming friendships, or securing employment, beauty often opens doors. A 2013 study by Business Insider revealed that attractive job candidates were 24% more likely than their less appealing counterparts to receive callbacks for interviews.
Yet, this beauty can also pose challenges for my daughter. I’ve encountered people jokingly offering to purchase her (which might be amusing if I weren’t truly unsettled), and I’ve had strangers ask if they could take her picture (the answer is a firm no). I’ve even caught individuals filming her discreetly (they now reside in shallow graves).
Navigating my parenting role in this situation is tricky. I value the compliments, but I’m concerned about her developing an inflated ego—or worse, that my other daughters might feel insecure about their own appearances. Should I downplay her looks? “Wow, she’s adorable!” “Eh, I’ve seen cuter.” Or should I spotlight my other daughters? “Look at their lovely features; aren’t they fabulous?”
For now, I’ll continue to smile, thank the admirers, and explain the basics of genetics to strangers. One day, however, I will definitely teach my kids how to leverage teamwork for free drinks.
This article was originally published on June 3, 2014.
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