In my experience, many mainstream parenting publications offer advice that can make parents feel inadequate for expressing common sentiments to their children. It’s frustrating to see articles that imply that everyday phrases are damaging. Here’s a rundown of ten things that parenting magazines often suggest you shouldn’t say to your kids, along with my thoughts on the matter.
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“Great Job.”
While it’s true that constant praise can foster dependency on external validation, expressing encouragement is still important. Instead of generic compliments, focus on specific achievements. But let’s be realistic—when your child insists on recognition for even the smallest actions, how practical is it to come up with detailed feedback every single time? Sometimes, a simple “Great job” is all you can muster while juggling a million other tasks.
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“Practice makes perfect.”
This phrase can create undue pressure on kids to excel, making them feel disheartened if they don’t see immediate results. Instead, emphasize the value of hard work and personal growth. However, let’s not underestimate children’s ability to understand common phrases; they aren’t clueless about the concept of practice.
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“You’re okay.”
When your child gets a scrape and starts crying, it’s easy to rush to reassure them they’re fine. However, dismissing their feelings can be counterproductive. Acknowledging their emotions with a hug and a comment like “That was a tough fall” may be more effective. Still, reminding them they’re okay can also help them self-soothe, as I’ve seen with my own kids.
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“Hurry up!”
When mornings are hectic, urging your child to speed up can add stress. Instead, consider a gentler approach like “Let’s hurry.” But let’s be honest—turning getting ready into a game might not be feasible for every family. Sometimes, you just need to get out the door.
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“I’m on a diet.”
Discussing weight management around your child can influence their perceptions of body image. Instead, focus on healthy eating habits. This is a reasonable suggestion, and it’s wise to promote a positive attitude towards food and exercise.
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“We can’t afford that.”
While it may seem like a simple statement, it could imply a lack of financial control to kids. A better approach might be to explain that you’re prioritizing other expenses. That said, being honest about budgeting can be a teaching moment, especially if you clarify your reasons without shame.
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“Don’t talk to strangers.”
This age-old advice can be confusing for children. Instead, explain specific scenarios to help them discern appropriate interactions. It’s important to navigate this topic carefully to avoid fostering unnecessary fear.
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“Be careful.”
While it’s instinctual to caution your child, this phrase can inadvertently distract them. Instead of verbal warnings, consider staying close enough to support them without making them feel anxious. It’s a balance—allowing them to take risks while ensuring their safety.
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“No dessert unless you finish your dinner.”
This phrase can inadvertently make dessert more desirable, potentially diminishing the enjoyment of the meal. Instead, frame it as “First dinner, then dessert.” Yet, let’s be real—sometimes you just want them to eat something, anything, to avoid a midnight snack request.
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“Let me help.”
Jumping in too quickly when your child struggles can hinder their independence. Instead, try asking guiding questions to encourage problem-solving. However, with multiple kids, I sometimes find myself more concerned with getting things done than nurturing independence.
In conclusion, while parenting advice can often feel overwhelming and unrealistic, it’s essential to find what works for you and your family. Balancing encouragement with realistic expectations will help foster a nurturing environment. For more insights on family-building options, visit Resolve.