As a child, my summer vacations were simple: my parents would send me outside to play without a second thought. However, for today’s moms like me, that approach simply won’t cut it. With my kids around, I find myself driven to distraction, struggling to get any work done. Instead, I devote weeks to organizing elaborate schedules and spending thousands of dollars—yes, thousands—so my little ones can enjoy enriching experiences while I maintain some semblance of sanity during the long, sweltering summer days.
The choices are endless: sculpting, swimming, surfing, sailing, science, art, gardening, gift-making, gymnastics, Junior Guards, Jujitsu, soccer, tumbling, fencing, Irish dancing—it’s overwhelming! While I want my kids to be well-rounded and culturally enriched, I can’t help but wonder: where are the programs designed for my benefit? Sure, I appreciate a macaroni necklace, but let’s be real.
Then it hit me. I present to you the concept of Fantasy Camp—complete with a brochure! I’m offering this idea free of charge to anyone ready to turn my dream into a reality; all I ask is for two guaranteed spots.
1. Yes, Mom
This week-long camp will teach your child that “yes, Mom” are the two words they should utter when you ask them to do something. Any phrases like “in a minute” or “but I set the table last night” will incur fines. No wonder “Yes, Mom” is one of our most sought-after camps; registration fills up quickly!
CAMP NOTES: Healthy snacks will be provided. Kids who complain will be sent next door to Shut Up and Eat It.
2. Shut Up and Eat It
This intense camp will instill a newfound appreciation in your child for the effort it takes to prepare a meal. They will learn to recognize the grocery list you made, the time you spent searching for parking, and the money you spent to bring that food home.
Camp Motto: “It’s hot, it’s here, somebody else made it, and other people think it tastes good, so Shut Up and Eat It.”
CAMP NOTES: Our sister camp, Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me, is a recommended prerequisite.
3. Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me
This interactive camp will cover the basics of nonverbal communication. Extended day options will include lessons on hands-on-hips stances, muttering, door-slamming, exaggerated sighs, and stomping.
CAMP NOTES: Campers not showing progress by mid-week may be reassigned to Yes, Mom.
4. Bathroom Skills 101
This camp emphasizes essential bathroom etiquette, including changing the empty toilet paper roll, rinsing toothpaste from the sink, and flushing the toilet. It’s a comprehensive two-week program to ensure proper bathroom habits.
CAMP NOTES: A 10% discount is available for campers enrolled in Yes, Mom and Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me.
5. Don’t Step Over It; PICK IT UP!
This enlightening camp introduces children to the reality that their messes won’t magically disappear. They will learn to manage their belongings in various scenarios, such as dirty laundry or wet towels.
CAMP NOTES: Kids often dislike this camp, which is why it fills up quickly. Register now to save it for when you need a strong incentive!
6. Be Nice to Your Sibling
Essentially a week of bribery and threats, consider it a free babysitting service.
CAMP NOTES: Good luck with that!
NEW CAMPS ARE BEING ADDED WEEKLY, AND WE WELCOME CUSTOM REQUESTS! LET US CREATE A CAMP PERFECT FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS!
SPECIAL NOTE: Due to high demand, husbands can now enroll in any of our camps too!
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