My ten-year-old daughter, Mia, has her own distinct style—she gravitates towards clothing from the boys’ section, favoring oversized t-shirts adorned with superheroes like Spiderman. Her hair, thick and golden, is almost always styled in two braids, even when she sleeps. Mia possesses striking blue eyes, prominent cheekbones, and a graceful, colt-like frame that I find beautiful. Yet, she has no interest in conforming to traditional notions of beauty.
Last year, I insisted she let her braids down for her class photo. It became a fierce negotiation. I resorted to psychological tactics, expressing concern that her braids were a form of comfort, which they are, and that she should feel free to embrace every hairstyle. I even offered a bribe—a coveted lightsaber toy that could have supplied groceries for weeks.
Deep down, my motives were not purely altruistic; I wanted her to look lovely in that school photograph, her hair cascading elegantly around her face, so I could proudly share it with friends and family.
On picture day, she opted for ponytails, only letting her hair down briefly for the photo. Her classmates reacted with enthusiasm, showering her with compliments. After the picture, one of the girls carefully re-braided Mia’s hair for her.
When I received the school picture a month later, I was pleased to see her looking beautiful, her hair flowing. But the image felt somewhat off, as if it didn’t truly capture Mia.
I’ve decided to let go of my expectations. My daughter doesn’t need to meet my standards of beauty. While I do insist that she wash her hair at least once a week—no exceptions—her self-worth should not hinge on her appearance as mine once did.
What truly defines Mia are her interests: crafting weapons from paper, learning to draw manga characters through online tutorials, engaging in epic Dungeons and Dragons sessions with her dad, reading The Hunger Games with me, playing piano, and even taking up Judo. These passions showcase her vibrant personality.
Kids like Mia teach us what really matters.
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Summary:
In this piece, Laura Bennett reflects on her journey to let go of societal standards of beauty for her daughter, Mia, who embraces her individuality through her unique style and interests. Instead of focusing on appearance, Laura recognizes the importance of Mia’s passions and the lessons learned from her daughter’s authentic self-expression.