Everywhere we go, my three-year-old son, Liam, who has Down syndrome, lights up the room. People naturally gravitate toward him, showering him with affection and kind words. This is lovely, most of the time. However, there are certain compliments that, despite being well-intentioned, can be frustrating.
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“Children with Down syndrome are such a blessing.”
While this sentiment isn’t entirely inaccurate, it gets repetitive. Often, I hear this in front of my other children, and it feels like a comparison is being made. I want to turn to my other kids and say, “Guess you’re just ordinary!” Every child is a treasure, and placing children with Down syndrome on a pedestal can create unnecessary distance. It can also make it difficult for me to express any frustrations about parenting—Liam is just as likely to throw a tantrum as any other toddler. -
“He’s always so cheerful and easygoing!”
Liam is joyful, sure, but so are my other kids! The stereotype that individuals with Down syndrome are perpetually happy doesn’t reflect reality. Like any child, Liam has his moments—he throws fits, gets into trouble, and can be downright stubborn. It’s amusing when friends remind me that, “He has Down syndrome, not a personality transplant!” -
“He doesn’t look like he has Down syndrome!”
This statement can be hurtful. Liam has his unique blend of our features, enhanced by that extra chromosome. He possesses the classic traits of Down syndrome, like almond-shaped eyes and a charming smile. When people say he doesn’t look the part, it can feel like they’re implying he’s attractive despite his genetic makeup. I prefer it when people simply see Liam for who he is—my beautiful son. -
“Just think—he’ll be your little boy forever!”
This is misleading. Adults with Down syndrome grow and develop just like anyone else. They experience life, fall in love, and pursue their passions. While they may require ongoing support, they are not eternally trapped in childhood. I want Liam to grow and become independent, just like any parent would wish for their child. -
“I could never do what you do! You’re my inspiration!”
This compliment can be disheartening. How can you know what you can manage without facing similar circumstances? If someone had told me I’d be a parent to four children, two of whom have special needs, I would have run away! Placing me on a pedestal as a “hero” is unrealistic; I’m just a typical mom navigating an atypical journey. I love and advocate for my children deeply, just like any parent would.
While I appreciate the kindness behind these comments, it’s important to remember that they don’t always resonate. It’s better to engage openly without making assumptions. And, in the world of parenting, silence can sometimes be the least supportive response. If you’re interested in more about family planning and parenting, check out this great resource on fertility.
Summary
Compliments about children with Down syndrome can be well-meaning but often miss the mark. Instead of making generalized statements, it’s more meaningful to acknowledge each child as an individual. It’s essential to recognize their unique personalities and experiences rather than relying on stereotypes. For more insights into parenting and home insemination, see this helpful guide, and for insights on overcoming challenges, check out this article.