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by Jamie Lee
Updated: August 21, 2015
Originally Published: November 22, 2013
I’m a mother who never envisioned this role for myself.
Did you know that there are others like me? There are mothers out there, navigating the chaos of daily life, who never imagined their paths would lead to this. We are the ones who often wrestle with the thought: “This is why I never wanted children.”
Have you ever felt this way? I certainly did today. My kids were tugging at me, whining and crying because I refused to lift them up while I battled with a frying pan of sizzling bacon. I gritted my teeth, tightened my grip on the spatula, and with every ounce of tension in my body, I thought, “This wasn’t my plan. This isn’t the life I wanted. This is exactly why I didn’t want kids.”
Every day feels like a challenge.
We have friends who always dreamed of being parents. They speak of the joys of motherhood as if they discover treasures in their children’s diapers instead of remnants from last night’s dinner. We scroll through countless parenting blogs that proclaim how fulfilling life becomes when raising kids. We are constantly reminded how fortunate we are to have children and that we should cherish every moment.
But these aren’t our people. We are the outliers. The misfits. We are the mothers who recognized our own limitations and understood that motherhood wasn’t a suitable choice for us. We are the ones who sit on the floor, overwhelmed with fear at night, worrying that our unplanned children might suffer because of our inadequacies.
Yet, here we are.
Perhaps it was a birth control mishap. Maybe it was a spontaneous decision. Whatever your situation, it’s real, and now we’re doing midnight feedings, dealing with tantrums, and cleaning messes, all while that persistent voice in our heads echoes, “This is why I didn’t want children.”
I’m not going to offer you a list of ways to find joy in parenting during tough times, nor will I scold you for having thoughts that some might deem selfish.
I’m here to tell you that it’s perfectly okay.
It’s okay that you never wanted kids in the first place. It doesn’t make you cruel or selfish or any less of a woman. It simply makes you honest.
It’s okay that you can’t relate to those moms who had their family plans mapped out perfectly. You shouldn’t feel ashamed if your child wasn’t part of your life’s blueprint.
It’s alright to feel unprepared and find yourself searching online for answers, like, “My child does ‘x.’ Is that normal?” especially when your mommy friends seem to have everything figured out from the start.
Asking for help is completely acceptable. No mother is invincible, and every mom needs a break. Some of us may require more frequent and longer respites to manage the days, weeks, and months of a life we never sought.
Most importantly, it’s vital to share your story. There are more of us out there than you might think who never wanted this role. We need to hear your experiences, fears, and tears, so we know we aren’t alone in this unconventional journey called motherhood. We need to know that someone else understands the struggle, someone else hears that voice say, “This is why I never wanted kids.”
Regardless of how you arrived at this chapter of your life, you are here. You don’t have to feel guilty for admitting it’s tough. We understand. You don’t need to hide your story of how you got here. We know. And you certainly don’t have to follow up your frustrations with, “But I love my kids.”
We know that too. And your children feel it as well.
For more insights on navigating parenthood and family planning, consider checking out this fantastic resource for pregnancy and home insemination, as well as exploring this article for tips on at-home insemination kits. You can also find valuable information on navigating parenthood after unexpected circumstances here.
Summary:
Being a mother may not have been your original plan, and that’s okay. Many moms feel the same way, grappling with the challenges of parenthood and the societal expectations that come with it. It’s crucial to embrace your feelings and share your experiences, knowing that you’re not alone in this journey.