When I was a child, I referred to my father by his first name. Growing up in a blended family—my mother having lost her first husband in an unfortunate accident—I looked up to my older sibling and mimicked her behavior. For years, my father was known to me simply as Larry, a term of endearment that carried the weight of “Dad.” I vividly recall a moment when I overheard a news report about a lost girl, and I exclaimed, “Don’t worry, her Larry will find her.”
Think back to those formative years, and you might remember using first names for adults frequently. My godparents were known as Nick and Maria (though Nick held the honorary title of Uncle), and our neighbor was Julie. Even my dad’s friend, affectionately nicknamed Sketti, was addressed in the same casual manner.
However, if you consult Claire Henderson from the Daily Times, you might find my actions appalling. She argues that straying from the traditional Mr./Mrs. Lastname conventions signals a troubling decline in respect for authority figures. In her view, our modern obsession with nurturing children’s self-esteem prevents them from recognizing a hierarchy that naturally exists between adults and children.
Yet, I believe most children inherently grasp the dynamics of adulthood. During my time volunteering in schools and working in daycares, I found that kids who called me by my first name still showed respect and took direction from me without issue. I also don’t subscribe to the notion that turning 18 magically elevates one’s status in life. Many times, I feel like I’m just barely keeping it together in adulthood, and “Mrs. Johnson” is not a title I can comfortably wear. I can’t help but think differently than Claire—perhaps she has it figured out, but I often feel like an imposter in the adult world.
Moreover, I’m uneasy with the rigid separation between children and adults. While I want my kids to respect adults, I also want them to feel comfortable engaging with them. As they grow older and I become less relevant in their lives, I hope they can turn to trustworthy adults for guidance on difficult topics. Let’s face it: those conversations about sex, drugs, and peer pressure with parents can be painfully awkward. I want my children to have reliable sources of information instead of relying solely on peers or sifting through the chaotic Internet for answers.
On the flip side, it’s essential for children to recognize that adults are not infallible. We can be mistaken, unkind, or even prejudiced. There are adults who exploit the vulnerable, and age alone is not a reliable indicator of wisdom or morality.
Claire does concede that respect must be earned, yet she maintains that addressing adults formally helps establish a respectful relationship. I contend that not every relationship must be rooted in respect. Many adults have only tolerable relationships, and it shouldn’t fall solely on the younger individual to foster that respect.
Finally, while previous generations adhered to strict forms of address, we are currently failing to respect our elderly. The Brookings Institute revealed that our elder care workforce is sorely lacking, with many workers underpaid and lacking proper education. Furthermore, the National Center on Elder Abuse estimates that between 1-2 million Americans over 65 have faced some form of abuse, with many incidents remaining unreported.
In conclusion, you can insist that children call you whatever you prefer—whether that’s Mrs. Johnson or a whimsical name like Mrs. Sunshine Sparkles. However, let’s not pretend that first names didn’t exist in the past or that allowing such familiarity is tearing down a long-standing tradition of respect.
For more insights on parenting in the modern world, check out this post.
Summary:
The article explores the appropriateness of children addressing adults by their first names, reflecting on personal experiences and societal norms. It argues for the importance of open communication between children and adults, while also emphasizing that respect should not be automatically granted based on age. The discussion highlights the complexities of adult-child relationships in today’s world.