As mothers, we’re all in this together, and it’s important to support one another. Sometimes, that means gently pointing out behaviors that might be driving others a bit crazy. So, let’s get real, moms. Here are five things to reconsider:
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Stop Seeking Your Kids’ Approval.
“Sweetheart, are we ready to go outside?” “Is it okay if we take a shower now?” “How about we clean up first, okay?” I often hear parents asking for their children’s permission, and I can’t help but wonder, “Why are you consulting a four-year-old about washing his hands?” We don’t need to give kids a vote on everything. If I allowed my children to dictate my schedule, I’d be stuck inside watching video games or shuffling between the pool and ice rink. Kids have activities, but it’s the parents who are in charge. Use statements, not questions, and save the inquiries for those rare occasions when they truly get a say.
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Avoid Referring to Yourself in the Third Person.
When children are infants, phrases like “Mommy loves you” help them learn who you are. However, by the time they hit two, that’s more than enough. I recently overheard a grown man say, “Daddy is making dinner,” to his eight-year-old. It’s cringe-worthy. You’re not just “dad”; you’re a multifaceted individual. Your child is old enough to comprehend that you have a life beyond just being a parent.
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Stop Making Empty Threats.
“If you keep kicking that ball in the house, I’ll take it away. I’ll take it away, I’ll take it away…” Just do it already or stay silent! Kids can sense insincerity. Saying something repeatedly without acting on it teaches them that you don’t mean what you say. On days when I’m exhausted or overwhelmed, I choose not to issue threats. Instead, I stay quiet, so when I do speak, my words carry weight. Teach your children that when you say you’ll do something, you really will.
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Don’t Shift Blame to Your Kids.
I was at a friend’s house for dinner, and when I asked what the kids were drinking, I learned the four-year-old was on his third glass of juice. The response? “That’s what they want.” No, it’s not the kids’ fault! They wouldn’t be reaching for sugary drinks if they weren’t available. If you struggle to say no in the store, leave them at home during shopping trips or avoid buying those items altogether. Don’t blame your kids for their choices when the options are provided.
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Don’t Cater to Their Fickleness—Especially in Front of Others.
I invited a family over recently and received a flurry of texts about their kids’ picky eating habits. It’s not just inconvenient; it prevents them from learning how to navigate social situations gracefully. I have my own picky eater, and I understand the struggle. However, that doesn’t mean we should make it everyone else’s problem. If she doesn’t like what’s served, she can keep her opinions to herself. It’s essential for kids to learn manners and appreciation, so prepare them for social gatherings by reminding them to say “thank you” and keep complaints to themselves. If they need to eat later, so be it.
As someone who has been guilty of seeking approval and making empty threats, I can tell you these habits are counterproductive. Let’s challenge ourselves to improve for each other.
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Summary
Mothers often wish for a few behaviors to change among their peers, such as seeking kids’ permission, using the third person, making empty threats, blaming children for their choices, and indulging picky eating. These habits can undermine effective parenting and create challenges in social situations.