Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 6, 2013
I arrived at Little League with my four kids in tow, casually asking the coach about practice nights. Spoiler alert: I’m that mom who learns the schedule only on the first day of Little League.
“Wednesday nights,” he replied.
“Wednesday nights?” I echoed. “You won’t see me then; it’s date night. You’ll be meeting with our babysitter, Mike.”
“This week?” he inquired.
“Nope,” I said. “I mean every week. Wednesday night is our dedicated date night.”
“Really? Sounds nice,” he responded, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.
“It’s a whole lot nicer than divorce,” I shot back.
And truly, it is.
I understand why scheduling a date night might seem extravagant. Hiring a babysitter, applying some makeup, and swapping out the food-splattered shirt for something presentable—it can feel like a chore.
But the reality is, you and your partner must have a mutually agreed-upon night each week, free from the chaos of work commitments, kid activities, and a never-ending pile of laundry. Plus, there’s the cost. You’re spending money on a meal you could have had at home and compensating Mike the babysitter. Trust me, that expense adds up.
Yet, I firmly believe it’s far cheaper than the cost of a divorce.
For me, date night represents something significant in my marriage. I married a wonderful man, David, 15 years ago, and we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. We first met at design school, which was pretty cool. In those early days, we would pack a loaf of bread, some cheese, and a bottle of wine, then hike to a scenic spot by the ocean to enjoy a romantic picnic while discussing our dreams and aspirations.
Then came the kids. Four of them, to be exact. Suddenly, we found ourselves juggling jobs, responsibilities, and the upkeep of our home. Life got busy, and we became “grown-ups.” After 15 years together, we’ve changed significantly. We’re often preoccupied with daily life, and yes, we might even leave the bathroom door open sometimes (I’m just saying).
To clarify, PTA meetings, PTO events, or even bringing the kids along do not qualify as date night. Date night is for you and your partner—the person you chose to build a life with. It’s the commitment that helps you avoid signing other contracts, like divorce papers.
Every Wednesday is a promise of one-on-one time with David, for better or worse. We might dine at our favorite restaurant, sharing a candlelit meal and a bottle of wine, or we might just grab burgers from our local spot and enjoy them on the beach. How romantic, right?
I know that in earlier times, people may not have prioritized date nights. They were too busy with daily survival—making their own bread, defending their homes, or sleeping closely in a yurt. Plus, their life expectancy was around 40, so they didn’t have to think about long-term companionship. But in our modern world, we might be together for 80 years—so it’s essential to plan for it.
Put date night on the calendar and treat it as sacred. If hiring a babysitter is out of reach, consider trading childcare with a friend who also needs some couple time. You could even make simple sandwiches and enjoy a picnic in your backyard with a baby monitor nearby. Regardless, it counts as date night.
In another 15 years, our kids will be off pursuing their own adventures. And guess who we’ll have left? Each other. If we nurture our relationship, we’ll still have date nights to look forward to.
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In summary, prioritizing date night can make a significant difference in the longevity and happiness of your marriage. It’s an investment in the future you share with your partner and can be as simple or elaborate as you make it.