“Did you catch how she’s feeding that baby?”
“I can’t believe she thinks that’s appropriate?! He sleeps where?”
“What kind of parent allows their child to sleep like that?”
Welcome to the world of parenting, where every decision is scrutinized, and our imperfections are laid bare for critics to dissect.
Feeling embarrassed? Wondering if you’re the only one in the playgroup feeding your baby this way? Wondering if everyone is watching you?
This is the reality of the Mommy Wars, where we often turn on each other, both online and in person, with our parenting philosophies becoming battlegrounds. Unlike religion or politics, these beliefs are front and center, leading to a cycle of negative comments that erode our confidence. We break each other down because we’re grappling with our own struggles—our identities as mothers crumbling under the weight of daily demands. Motherhood is challenging, so why do we treat each other so harshly?
1. You’re Bored.
I totally understand. If my daughter asks me to play “princess” one more time, I might just lose it. The monotony of parenting can be draining. Engaging in heated debates on social media about breastfeeding or parenting choices can feel stimulating, like a mental workout. It’s similar to how our mothers used to unwind with soap operas, only our dramas unfold in real-time on platforms like Facebook and Twitter.
2. You’re Angry.
Moms often find it difficult to express anger towards their kids as they might with adults. When my toddler decides to hurl his breakfast off the table, I find myself calmly explaining, “Food is for eating,” while inside, I’m shouting, “Really?! I’d give anything for a warm meal!” Unable to vent at our children, we sometimes lash out at each other instead.
3. You’re Jealous.
Ever see that mom rocking a daring bikini at the pool? The one everyone whispers about? Sure, we judge her, but it’s often rooted in jealousy. We compare ourselves to each other, wishing we could embody that version of perfection, when in truth, we’re often just as flawed as the next mom.
4. You’re Overwhelmed.
Juggling getting the kids dressed, preparing meals, and cleaning up after them is exhausting. I love motherhood, but it can be a relentless cycle. Online, we curate our lives with filters, masking the chaos. Why do we feel the need to present a false picture of our reality?
5. You’re Exhausted.
I don’t even need to elaborate. I’ll just microwave my cold coffee and raise it in solidarity with you all.
6. You’re Uncertain of Your Identity.
New motherhood can feel isolating. We seek affirmation from like-minded parents, creating a sense of community. However, in that search, we sometimes kick others off their proverbial rafts to secure our own place.
7. You Crave Recognition.
Do you find yourself celebrating small victories, like your baby sleeping through the night? Those moments are cries for acknowledgment. We want validation that we’re doing well, especially when doubt creeps in.
Now, can you see why we sometimes act unkindly towards each other? We’re tired, frazzled, and terrified of failing the little ones we love most. We need each other more than ever. Let’s start lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down. Consider reaching out to a fellow mom and share your experiences honestly. Your children are observing—do you want them to emulate a culture of judgment?
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Summary:
Mom-shaming often stems from boredom, anger, jealousy, overwhelming responsibilities, exhaustion, identity crises, and a desire for recognition. These challenges lead to a culture of judgment. By supporting one another, moms can create a more positive environment for themselves and their children.