“Mommy, why did Daddy leave us?” The question pierces my heart as I gaze into her large, tear-filled brown eyes, hoping for an answer that might somehow change everything.
“I love you so much, and I’m truly sorry that Daddy’s choice to leave hurt us. This isn’t your fault. He’s not a bad person; he just made a decision that affected many people, and I regret that it affected you too. Always remember, I love you more than anyone else ever could because my love for you is endless!”
That’s the response I gave, but what I really wanted to express—the thoughts swirling in my head and the emotions threatening to overwhelm me—were much darker.
“Daddy left because he is selfish. He never should have become a parent in the first place. I wish he could see the pain he’s caused you and the chaos he’s brought into our lives. He’s a terrible excuse for a human, and I honestly hope we never see him again. We’re better off without him.”
But what can you say to a child whose eyes are filled with tears, looking up at you with pure innocence? How do you address a kid who shares half the DNA of someone who makes forgiveness a daily struggle?
You reassure her of her worth. No matter how deep the anger runs, it’s vital to avoid speaking ill of him. You tell her that the man who contributed to her existence isn’t inherently bad, that she doesn’t carry his mistakes within her. You validate her feelings, acknowledging her hurt and letting her know that it’s okay to feel upset. You assure her that you’re always there to listen and that she’s amazing just the way she is; her father’s departure was not a reflection of her value.
You offer her the most honest and powerful truth: that your love for her knows no bounds, stretching to the ends of the earth and beyond. You promise to love her fiercely for the absence of the one who is missing, emphasizing that you will never leave her side because every moment with her is a precious gift.
While Daddy may have walked away, he inadvertently left behind the best part of himself—her.
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In summary, navigating the complexities of a child’s emotions after a parent leaves requires love, honesty, and reassurance that they are cherished.