Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: July 16, 2013
Phase 1: DENIAL.
You begin to feel a mild discomfort that resembles the onset of your menstrual cycle. It’s a little tender, but you assure yourself it’s nothing serious. Optimism bubbles up, and you imagine your delivery as a beautiful experience, much like those idealized scenes in tampon commercials. You dare to think that perhaps this mild ache is merely a result of your position. A quick adjustment of your legs or a joyful run through a scenic meadow might just do the trick!
Phase 2: ANGER.
“What the…” You may not even finish your thought. Contractions hit with a brutal intensity that catches you completely off guard. It’s akin to overindulging in a smorgasbord until your insides feel like they’re in turmoil. Desperation sets in as the pain escalates—it’s a gut-wrenching sensation that feels all-consuming, akin to the worst migraine you’ve ever had. After hours of pleading for relief, you learn you’re only dilated one centimeter. Just nine more to go, sweetheart! The urge to lash out is overwhelming. You might find yourself calling for your partner with a voice that’s a mix of agony and fury.
Phase 3: BARGAINING.
You start to doubt the accuracy of the measurements. Surely, those fingers must be mistaken! How can two simple fingers determine that you’re barely at one centimeter? You demand a second opinion. The pain in your abdomen is relentless, and you find yourself reconsidering your stance on pain management. “I know I said I’d wait for the drugs, but… give them to me!” Hopefully, your experience is better than mine. My midwife insisted I hold off until four centimeters. “What do you mean I can’t have drugs yet?” The frustration mounts.
Phase 4: DEPRESSION.
The reality sets in that progress isn’t happening as you had naively hoped. The pain intensifies, as if someone is trying to extract your uterus with rusty utensils, and it feels like it occurs every few minutes. You resign yourself to the fact that there’s little you can do but endure. You try squeezing your eyes shut, focusing on breathing, and finding comfort in massages. All you can do is wait. Scream. Breathe. Repeat.
Phase 5: ACCEPTANCE.
After enduring what feels like an eternity—close to 12 hours—you come to grips with your situation. Whether it’s the pain numbing you or your body giving in, you realize assistance will eventually arrive. You just need to stay focused and hang on until that moment comes. Months down the line, you’ll hear the stories about your experience, tales that feel both familiar and distant, as if they belong to someone else. Just remember to release your partner from their duties and demand that they fetch the epidural guy without fail.
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In summary, the journey through the five stages of dilation is intense and filled with a whirlwind of emotions. From denial and anger to bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance, each phase is a crucial part of the childbirth experience that many can relate to.