Six weeks after my twins arrived and with my doctor’s blessing, I would load them into a double-jogging stroller and embark on a mile-long trek (with a hill to conquer on the way) to the local café for my beloved iced venti skinny vanilla latte. To maximize my outing, I’d stop by the international grocery store to have a chat with the owners and discover new ingredients for exciting dinner recipes, or I’d pop into nearby shops for a dose of adult conversation. It was inevitable that I would run into someone who simply couldn’t contain their excitement over the spectacle that twins seem to be for those without them.
Interactions at the Café
Stranger at the café: “Hey, you better have two in that stroller!”
Me: [Glancing half-heartedly over my shoulder] “And if I don’t?”
Stranger: “Oh, um, never mind.”
(Tip: Avoid being silly with twin moms before they’ve had their caffeine fix.)
Woman waiting for a drink: “Aren’t they adorable! So quiet! How LUCKY you are to have two babies who sleep all the time!”
Me: “We’ve been here five minutes after a 15-minute stroller ride. Do you really think they’re this calm all the time?”
Woman: “Oh, right. Are they good for you at home?”
Me: “Not really. They cry when they’re hungry, tired, or want to be held. And I only have two hands. So, yes, they cry quite a bit.”
Woman: “Oh, I guess two is tougher than one. When mine were babies, I loved holding them all the time! You have DOUBLE the love now!”
Me: “Sure, everything is doubled… including the diapers.”
(Tip: Don’t rave about the ‘love’ a mom of twins has when you’re decades past changing diapers.)
Questions About Their Gender
Man in line: “Wow, twins! Are they paternal?”
Me: “You mean fraternal?”
Man: “Yeah, whatever’s not identical.”
Me: “Correct, they’re fraternal.”
Man: “But they’re both girls?”
Me: [What gave that away? The bright pink outfits?] “Yes, they are both girls.”
Man: “I thought fraternal meant both boys.”
Me: [Sigh] “No, it just means they’re not identical. Two separate eggs, they can be either gender or one of each.”
Man: “Oh, cool. So do they look exactly alike?”
Me: [Sigh] “No, they’re like any other siblings, just born on the same day.” [Honestly, I know six-year-olds who get this faster!]
Man: “Oh, got it. They’re cute.”
Me: “Thanks.”
(Tip: If biology isn’t your strong suit, maybe avoid using terms you don’t quite grasp.)
At the Pharmacy
Cashier at the pharmacy: “Wow! Look at that! TWO babies! Are they TWINS?”
Me: “Yes.” [No, I just decided to add one more baby to my life for fun.]
Cashier: “I bet you are super busy!”
Me: “Yes.” [Now kindly move aside, you’re blocking the aisle I need.]
Cashier: “I can’t imagine! Do you just LOVE it?”
Me: “It’s a challenge. Can I just grab those over there?”
Cashier: “Oh, of course! I bet you have so much to do! Here I am, wasting your time!”
Me: “Yeah, I’m busy.” [Seriously, I’m in a hurry.]
Cashier: “I just HAVE to see those babies!” [Reaching for the blanket covering them]
Me: [Taking a step back] “They’re asleep, and the light wakes them.”
Cashier: “Oh, I’ll just take a quick peek!”
Me: [Sigh. I lift the blanket slightly.] “Okay.”
Cashier: “Aren’t they PRECIOUS! I’ll let you go now.”
Me: “Thanks.” [I was moments away from calling for help if you didn’t step back!]
(Tip: If a new mom says she’s busy, respect that instead of taking up her time and disturbing her sleeping babies.)
At the Farmer’s Market
Woman at the Farmer’s Market: “Ooh, aren’t they cute! Twins?”
Me: “Yes.”
Woman: “A boy and a girl?”
Me: “No, two girls. Did the floral dress not give it away?”
Woman: “Oh, ha ha, right.”
(Tip: If you’re unsure of a child’s gender, just ask for their names instead.)
Inquiries About Conception
Woman in line at the café: “Wow, twins! Were they natural?”
Me: [Pausing for a brief moment] “No, we already have one real daughter, so we decided to make these out of plastic.” [You could hear crickets chirping.]
Woman: [Looking puzzled] “Oh, ha ha, right – they are beautiful.”
Me: “Thanks.”
(Tip: If discussing your conception methods makes you uncomfortable, perhaps hold back on inquiries about mine.)
Then there was the grocery bagger who, with limited English, pointed to my pregnant belly, grabbed her breast, and said, “From here?” I nodded in confusion, unsure why she thought this was appropriate. She flexed her arm as if showing muscle and exclaimed, “Good! Grow strong!”
Imagine where we’d be without the unsolicited advice of complete strangers!
For more insights on family planning, you can check out posts about home insemination kits and resources for intrauterine insemination, like this helpful article from Resolve.
Summary
Navigating life with twins often leads to amusing and bewildering interactions with strangers who seem fascinated by the concept of twins. From unsolicited advice and misconceptions about their gender to the challenges of parenting multiples while seeking adult conversation, the experience can be both entertaining and exhausting. Remember, when speaking to a twin parent, a little understanding and respect for their time can go a long way.