You Might As Well Kiss Sleep Goodbye

Parenting

At home insemination

Here’s a dose of reality for all you new moms out there: it’s not great news, but it’s the absolute truth. Ready? You’re probably never going to sleep soundly again.

I might never enjoy a solid night’s sleep again. We, the nurturers of life, the caretakers of tiny noses, the slicers of grapes, and the collectors of sticky fingerprints – we may be doomed to perpetual wakefulness.

The unfortunate part? This critical piece of information is often omitted from the pamphlets you receive from your obstetrician. All you hear as an expectant first-time mother is that the initial months are tough regarding sleep. Conversations usually revolve around when your little bundle, weighing around eight pounds, will start sleeping for six, seven, or even ten hours straight. After that, you think (and no one dares to correct you), it’s smooth sailing. “Is she sleeping through the night yet?” or “When did your baby start sleeping through the night?” Those questions fill the air, and the narrative goes that all babies eventually achieve this milestone. Sleeping through the night is marketed by society as a clear-cut achievement, akin to getting those first teeth or taking those first steps, but the reality is much more complex.

Yes, all babies will eventually sleep through the night. Whether you let it happen on its own or turn to the famed Dr. Snoozemore and his 99.99% foolproof method for getting your baby to sleep without creating future abandonment issues, it does happen. The first time it occurs is often celebrated with jubilant texts, tweets, and social media updates. “He did it! He slept all night!” you proclaim from the digital rooftops. What you conveniently omit is the fact that you woke up four times in discomfort and six more times just to ensure your baby was okay. But those details hardly matter because, “Hooray! You made it!” At long last, you can return to the restful slumber you once took for granted.

Or maybe not. Babies do sleep through the night… eventually… and then they don’t. Toddlers may sleep through the night… unless they decide not to. Children can certainly sleep through the night, yet they often defy expectations. As a mother, you might sneak in a few nights of decent sleep, but if you manage to do so more than fifty percent of the time while your kids are young, count yourself among the lucky few.

Let’s not dwell on the fact that no one warns you about this before becoming a parent (would knowing about it have made us appreciate our pre-kid sleep more? Probably not). Instead, let’s explore the reasons behind this inconvenient reality. I’ll share a glimpse into my own experience, showcasing the many faces of interrupted sleep and the various causes, both mundane and extraordinary, that elevate under-eye concealer from optional to essential.

Here are the four main culprits:

1. Basic Needs: Particularly common among infants under six months, you have the usual offenders: hunger, wet diapers, gas, and an overall lack of any sleep pattern. Toss in a knack for flailing limbs and you’ve got your typical newborn scenario that leaves mom exhausted.
2. Teething: Just when you think your baby might be ready to sleep through the night without needing a feed or a cuddle, teething comes along. I’ve always found it hard to fully buy into teething as a reason for waking. It feels like the “El Niño” of baby issues—when all else fails, blame those tiny chompers.
3. Illness: A doctor once told me that babies and toddlers typically catch 8-10 colds each year. That translates to a delightful surprise of an upper-respiratory infection every six weeks. Night-waking starts with a fever, progresses to cold symptoms, and culminates in a lingering cough, leading to at least a week of disrupted sleep. By the time you think you’re back on track, you’re faced with yet another tooth, cold, or random sleep regression.
4. Just Because: At some stage, every baby goes through a major sleep regression, forgetting how to sleep through the night and reverting to newborn sleep patterns—complete with their inability to self-soothe or fall asleep without parental assistance (preferably in the form of lullabies).

These reasons alone can completely obliterate your sleep patterns, so when your baby finally sleeps through the night, you’ll likely spend hours awake pondering deeply pressing issues, like whether a certain reality star is as obnoxious in real life as he appears on TV. Plus, motherhood seems to recalibrate our brains to wake at the slightest noise; sounds that you would have ignored in your pre-kid life now jolt you awake like a blaring alarm clock.

And yes, your little one might even set off that alarm clock at midnight, then sleep soundly while you stumble in the dark, cursing the irony.

But it only gets more challenging. If you survive the first couple of years, welcome to the Intermediate Level of nighttime disruptions—bad dreams, stomach bugs, potty needs, requests for water, lost loveys, questions about monsters, and, most recently, declarations like “I just can’t figure out where to put my arms.”

I can only guess what lies ahead: late-night phone calls to pick up a child from a sleepover, music blaring from a teenager’s room well into the night, and the growing list of potential sleep disruptors that come with each additional child.

I’ve come to terms with the idea that I may never sleep soundly again. I’ve also learned to function on less sleep. But for those of us who have tasted the bliss of real sleep—only to have it replaced by sleepless nights—we owe it to the next generation of mothers to be honest. Sure, do whatever it takes to achieve that elusive milestone of having a baby who sleeps through the night. But remember to rest up, mama, because this journey is a marathon, not a sprint.

For more insights into managing the challenges of motherhood, check out this resource on understanding mom burnout, which offers valuable strategies for coping with caregiver fatigue.

If you’re exploring options for enhancing your chances of conception, consider reading up on fertility treatments that may help you on your journey. And if you’re interested in boosting your fertility naturally, check out this guide on fertility supplements.

Summary: New motherhood often comes with the harsh reality of sleepless nights, and the reasons are plenty—from basic needs to teething, illness, and sleep regressions. While the journey may be challenging, understanding the complexities of sleep disruptions can help moms cope better. It’s essential to seek support and resources to navigate this long haul.