As a mother, I often reflect on the countless hours I’ve spent lounging on my couch, indulging in snacks, and binge-watching television. Surprisingly, I don’t regret it—at least not in a way that would push me to take up exercise, crafts, or socializing with other humans. Instead, I found that my time spent watching Orange Is The New Black equipped me with some unexpected insights for my journey into motherhood.
1. Your Body Belongs to Others Now.
Welcome to motherhood, where your personal space is a thing of the past. Just like in prison, you’ll find that your body is now a communal asset. Expect to be touched, poked, and prodded by tiny hands. Your rest will be dictated by the whims of your child, who will demand your attention at all hours. Sleep? Forget about it; you’ll quickly learn that sleep is a luxury long gone.
2. Kiss Privacy Goodbye.
Much like the open-bathroom stalls at Litchfield, motherhood offers little to no privacy. You’ll soon find yourself using the restroom with a captivated audience. Want to take a shower without an audience? You might need to wake up well before dawn to sneak in a few minutes of solitude. Otherwise, you’ll be washing up while your little ones watch—because who needs alone time?
3. Reevaluate Your Beauty Standards.
Gone are the days when you wouldn’t step outside without a full face of makeup. In this new chapter, beauty routines become a distant memory. The reality is that you’ll be lucky to find time to shower, let alone apply makeup. Your children will likely see your beauty products as toys rather than items for self-care. Embrace the chaos, and remember: a Kool-Aid smile and messy hair are part of the charm.
4. Prepare for Isolation.
Just as inmates might end up in segregation, new parents often find themselves in a social void. Friends who were once a constant presence may seem distant as they struggle to relate to your new life. Forget about leisurely coffee dates or brunches; your life revolves around toys, diapers, and late-night feedings. Before you know it, you’re having deep conversations with your child’s stuffed animals.
5. Embrace Spoilers.
Unlike the luxury of binge-watching an entire season in one go, your life as a parent is filled with interruptions. Your children might not be fans of your favorite shows, but they’ll surely find ways to spoil everything. Whether it’s planning a family trip or tackling a home project, expect the unexpected—like a sudden illness or a creative mess. And, honestly, you’ll learn that fighting it is pointless; just roll with the punches.
While motherhood is certainly not prison, the lessons learned from Orange Is The New Black offer a comical yet realistic lens on the challenges of parenting. For more tips and insights on your journey to motherhood, check out our article on artificial insemination kits to support couples in their fertility journey. You can also visit this excellent resource on pregnancy to help navigate the early stages of motherhood.
Summary
Watching Orange Is The New Black has surprisingly prepared me for the chaotic and rewarding experience of motherhood. From losing personal space to navigating the challenges of social isolation and beauty routines, the lessons are both humorous and relatable. Embrace the journey with all its ups and downs, and remember that it’s all part of the ride.