“She needs to understand that certain behaviors are unacceptable,” I said to my partner. “She can’t grow up thinking that…” My voice trailed off, the weight of my thoughts heavy.
Every parent knows that children need to learn essential life skills before transitioning into adulthood. But what happens when you face the heartbreaking possibility that your child may not have the chance to grow up? If your time with them is limited, do the lessons about sharing and appropriate behavior still hold significance?
It’s a devastating thought that many parents unfortunately confront. What if a doctor informed you that your child’s time was drawing to a close? How would you choose to spend those precious moments?
I wrestled with these questions myself. When my daughter, Emma, was just four months old, she was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition that was deemed potentially fatal. It wasn’t until she was nearly three years old that I learned while she has this rare disorder, she is likely to live a full life.
During those early years, I struggled with the uncertainty of whether my efforts to teach her were worthwhile. There are no chapters in parenting books that address disciplining a child who may not be here to benefit from those teachings. I turned to fellow parents, hoping to find guidance, but we were all lost in this uncharted territory.
Now that Emma is six, I am grateful every day for the miracle she is. As she grows, my heart aches for the other moms whose children didn’t have the same chance. We may not have discovered a foolproof method for disciplining a terminally ill child, but we learned valuable lessons along the way.
The most crucial takeaway was this: there are no set rules. Each family must find what works best for them. Ultimately, if a method resonates with you, it will likely benefit your child as well.
Moreover, there should be no judgments. People often feel compelled to offer parenting advice, but when it comes to raising a child facing mortality, those opinions should be set aside. “If my child may not be here forever, then you have no right to criticize my parenting choices during this time. I already have enough to cope with without your added scrutiny.”
Flexibility is also paramount. While strict parenting philosophies advocate for structure and consistency, life can sometimes uproot those ideals. Allow yourself the grace to adapt. Both your life and your child’s are undergoing profound changes, and it’s perfectly acceptable to ease the rules when necessary.
Regrets are part of being a parent, and they can be particularly poignant when the time with your child is far shorter than anticipated. Instead of dwelling on what you could have done differently, focus on making the most of the time you have. Create memories filled with joy and love, prioritizing experiences over rules.
Remember, the first principle remains: there are no hard and fast rules. Each decision you make in this context is personal and should reflect your unique journey.
For further insights and support on your parenting journey, you can explore articles like this one for alternative family-building options or learn more about the journey to parenthood at A Heartwarming Journey to Parenthood, an authority on this topic. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, parenting in the face of possible loss is a complex and emotional journey. Embrace the fluidity of your situation, prioritize what matters most, and remember that your choices are yours alone to make.