Dear My Wonderful Children,
Tonight, I gave in to the pressure of friends (something I always warn you against) and attended a screening of Fifty Shades of Grey with some friends. I ignored the nagging voice inside me urging me to say “no,” reasoning that it was just a harmless film. Looking back, I realize I should have paid attention to that voice because it was right. Yet, I’m also grateful for this experience, as it gives me the opportunity to share some important thoughts with you.
One day, not too far in the future, you’ll reach an age where films like Fifty Shades of Grey will be on your radar. You might even find yourself or your friends sneaking a viewing sooner than expected. Regardless, I must accept that your young and impressionable minds will encounter this film sooner or later.
I’m writing this letter to ensure that when that day arrives, you will recognize Fifty Shades of Grey for what it truly is, rather than what it pretends to portray.
What Fifty Shades of Grey Is Not
First, let me clarify what Fifty Shades of Grey is not. It is certainly not a love story. While it may try to present itself as one, I assure you that genuine love is nowhere to be found in its narrative. This is not a romantic fairy tale with a sprinkle of harmless fun; romance is shockingly absent. The so-called “harmless” elements of S&M are anything but innocent. This film depicts a wealthy, attractive, and experienced man using his influence to seduce a naive student into situations that make her uncomfortable.
They are not equals. They are not partners. The relationship is fundamentally skewed. This film focuses on a narcissistic man’s controlling and violent sexual desires, treating a vulnerable young woman’s body and mind as mere instruments for his gratification. It’s about his needs, coupled with the arrogant expectation that she will comply with his desires, regardless of her discomfort.
As I sat in the theater surrounded by countless women, I felt a wave of sickness wash over me. If a whole theater filled with women three times your age couldn’t grasp the harm in this story, how could young girls and boys possibly see through it?
Please, my daughters, do not let this romanticization of abusive relationships convince you that you should accept treatment akin to that of Anastasia Steele. And my son, please don’t ever think that intimidation, manipulation, or disrespect toward women, like that shown by the ‘hero’ Christian Grey, is acceptable. No one deserves to be disrespected or manipulated against their will.
The Importance of Healthy Relationships
When the day comes that you enter into a relationship, I hope you will understand that what occurs behind closed doors should always be enjoyable for both partners, regardless of personal preferences. Consent obtained under pressure is not consent at all. I hope you will demand respect and reciprocate it in kind.
Tonight, I left the cinema feeling anxious and somewhat heartbroken for your generation. If this is the standard by which you measure love and romance, we need to clarify some critical points.
- If someone shows up at your workplace unannounced and becomes possessive when a colleague speaks to you, that is not romantic; it’s unsettling.
- If you express your inexperience and he responds by violently taking your virginity, that is not love; it is assault.
- If he tracks your location while you’re out and takes you to his hotel when you’re too intoxicated to think clearly, that is not protective; it’s stalking.
- If he appears uninvited in your home, that is not romance; it is trespassing.
- If you clearly say you’re not interested and he responds by binding you and engaging in violent activity after you say “no,” that is not passion; it’s rape.
- If he sells your car without your consent, it’s not a surprise; it’s theft.
- If he monitors your phone and threatens you because another man calls, he’s not in love; he’s abusive.
If he derives pleasure from inflicting pain and manipulates you into enduring it under duress, despite your distress, there should be no soundtrack loud enough to drown out the voice in your head insisting that love and romance are absent from this equation.
A Final Message
My dear children, this film disturbed me deeply, and I come to you with the wisdom of experience. I fear that you will grow up with narratives like this shaping your views on relationships and may mistake this for normal behavior.
Please remember: Love is tender. Love does not take without consent. Love does not demand. Love waits for genuine agreement. Love doesn’t need extravagant gestures to prove its worth. Love is simply enough.
When there is real love, that inner voice will not shout; it will be calm and content.
Above all, my beloved children, heed my words. And if you ever find yourself doubting, listen to that voice within.
With all my love,
Mum
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Summary
In this heartfelt letter, a mother expresses her concerns about the harmful messages portrayed in the film Fifty Shades of Grey. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing abusive dynamics in relationships and highlights the true essence of love—gentleness, mutual respect, and consent. She urges her children to trust their instincts and to understand that genuine love does not involve manipulation or control.