Sometimes, when I shut my eyes, I can envision her—standing tall in her chic shoes and crisp outfit, radiating confidence and clarity. She embodies the version of me that existed before motherhood.
Will I ever meet her again? I’m not so sure. The reason? I am now a mother.
Don’t misunderstand me; my life has transformed in countless beautiful ways since the arrival of my children. Each day, their boundless love and curiosity breathe new life into my soul. However, it would be disingenuous to claim that my body emerged unscathed from the journey of bringing them into the world.
Sleepless nights? I anticipated those. But the total transformation of my identity as a pain-free individual? That was unforeseen.
The truth is, I wasn’t ready for the intense battle motherhood would wage against my own body.
These days, I awaken feeling like a senior citizen; there’s always some ache or pain reminding me of my new reality.
My descent into motherhood began rather smoothly. I experienced fatigue throughout my pregnancy—unsurprising given that I was carrying twins. But then, unexpected complications arose. A seemingly innocuous itch on my palms led to a diagnosis of cholestasis, a rare gallbladder condition that rendered my entire body itchy and swollen. Then came pre-eclampsia, followed by swollen legs and feet that ached and puffed up, all while my appetite dwindled (imagine trying to maintain a normal stomach size with two growing babies pressing against it).
So, when labor began, I felt a wave of relief, convinced that the worst was behind me. I steeled myself for the process.
However, I ended up facing a ‘natural’ delivery that was anything but, culminating in a mysterious hemorrhage that required a staggering 12 pints of blood and an eight-day stay in intensive care.
Other “gifts” included a blood clot the size of a baseball in my abdomen, an intense month of incontinence that turned every stand into a waterfall, and heart palpitations that would strike at the most inconvenient moments. My personal favorite? A poorly executed episiotomy that cut so deeply into my muscle that I shuffled around and sat on pillows for six long months.
Eventually, I did heal from this grueling ordeal and began to care for my babies. I tried to forget the pain, but it was only a matter of time before it caught up with me. Just two months later, I suffered a tear in the lowest disc of my spine, a tragic turn given that I had enjoyed a healthy back prior to motherhood. The searing pain made even the briefest moments of rest elusive during those early months with twins, lingering for seven long months. Fortunately, my exhaustion allowed me to find some comfort lying on ice packs.
Then, merely two months later, my right hip gave out due to a strained muscle, taking weeks to recover. Pain took a brief hiatus but returned the following summer when my babies began teething. That’s when the dizziness set in.
While most people might not categorize dizziness as pain, when you feel like you’re on a relentless, high-speed carousel, it quickly becomes unbearable. The headaches, nausea, and inability to focus on anything—from watching TV to scrolling through social media—made life a challenge. My vertigo persisted for five torturous weeks, and my doctor was unable to provide relief.
However, the relentless challenges my body faced ultimately fortified its resilience in unexpected ways. I can see it in the astonished expressions of strangers when I single-handedly scoop up two tantruming toddlers or collapse a double stroller with just one hand and a foot. Their looks often blend sympathy with sheer amazement—perhaps surprised by my physical strength or how I manage the chaos that surrounds me.
It’s amusing, really. Before motherhood, I might have been labeled weak—avoiding heavy lifting like the plague. Yet now, those burdens are part of my daily life.
No matter how creaky my body feels, I wouldn’t trade my new self for anything. I now possess a formidable frame—one that brought two babies into this world simultaneously and continues to thrive. My body is doing its utmost for me, so I give myself grace. It has proven stronger than I ever imagined possible. If pain is a necessary side effect for now, then so be it.
So, let me share a crucial truth that no one prepared me for: Should you embark on this journey, motherhood will be the most significant physical challenge you ever face.
But as the saying goes—no pain, no gain. Ironically, I’ve come to realize that “they” were likely mothers.
For more insights into the journey of parenthood and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy. If you’re interested in exploring at-home options for starting your family, consider reading about the Cryobaby at-home insemination kit. And for fun activities with your little ones, visit Cooking with Kids.
In summary, the journey of motherhood is fraught with challenges and discomfort, yet it also brings forth an incredible strength and resilience that many never knew they possessed.