I learned to say yes from a young age—it’s what nice girls do, after all. My journey began in elementary school, where I readily agreed in classrooms, on the chaotic school bus, and during sleepovers tucked in my Care Bears sleeping bag. I said yes to awkward boys with braces, quirky teachers in colorful tights, and anyone who needed help, even a nun in a church basement. My inclination to agree was relentless.
It all started early, really. I was just a girl with a wild blond hairstyle and colorful tights, surrounded by friends from the band. I raised my hand in class and smiled often, though I wasn’t a top student. I preferred making people laugh over excelling academically. Overall, I was just… nice. But beneath that niceness lay a darker truth—a truth that has stuck with me through the years: I struggle with saying no.
It’s not that I can’t form the word ‘no’; I can verbalize it just fine. I can jest about it with friends, or even yell it at my reflection when I’m alone at home. Yet, when faced with unusual requests—like pet-sitting a parakeet with a unique personality for four months—I find myself saying yes, no matter the absurdity of the situation. Feeding him organic mangoes? Sure, I’ll drive three hours to get them, and I won’t even hesitate to chew them into tiny pieces for him.
If saying yes is an affliction, then I have it in a severe form. Despite the advancements we’ve made in society, there seems to be no remedy for my compulsion. I am perpetually the one driving the carpool, the volunteer for every school event, and the last person to grab a piece of cake. This tendency is not just inconvenient; it can be exhausting and painful.
I often ponder how much of my eagerness to please stems from societal expectations placed on women of my generation (29 years old for the seventh consecutive year). From a young age, we were told we could achieve anything—a career, a family, love. We were given countless opportunities but also faced mounting expectations. Yes became the answer we believed we needed to give.
As children, when we expressed ambition, our parents encouraged us, claiming we could become anything we wanted—like the President! But they also subtly nudged us toward traditional roles. By our mid-twenties, the questions began: Do you have a partner? Do you want to settle down? The unspoken pressure was to say yes.
We learn early that nice girls say yes. Even if our first word is ‘no’, we quickly realize that yes brings joy and approval. Yes equals cookies, affection, and a lack of disappointment.
I don’t have a solution for my own struggles, but I hold hope for the next generation. I’m teaching my daughter that it’s perfectly fine to say no, even if it often leads to conflict between us. I want to break the cycle; I refuse to let her inherit this urge to please.
I wonder how many women, like me, are concealing their struggles—agreeing to things they’d rather decline simply because they’ve been conditioned to do so. How many are stuck catering to bizarre requests, like feeding chewed mango to a parakeet, thinking they must always comply?
In the end, it’s essential to realize that sometimes, the nice girl can and should say no.
For those exploring the journey of motherhood, you might find helpful resources like our post on the home insemination kit or check out insights from Excited Parents on successful pregnancies. Additionally, Medical News Today offers an excellent collection of information on fertility and home insemination.
In summary, the pressure to say yes can be overwhelming, especially for women raised with the belief that pleasing others is paramount. It’s crucial to instill the understanding that saying no is equally valid and often necessary.