It’s 7:23 AM, and I have already been awake for an hour and eight minutes. On a Saturday, no less.
In our household, rising before 7 AM is strictly prohibited, yet here I am, confronting the day far too early. Anyone who knows me understands that encountering me while there’s still a six on the clock is a grave mistake.
So, here I sit, one hour and ten minutes into the day, wishing it were already over so I could crawl back into bed. But since that’s not an option, here’s how I’ll spend my morning:
- Mourning the precious lie-in that seems permanently out of reach.
- Considering how much I could list my children for on eBay, discreetly omitting the ‘early risers’ detail.
- Resenting all the neighbors still cloaked in darkness, blissfully unaware of my plight.
- Regretting the decision to binge-watch ‘just one more’ episode of Breaking Bad last night.
- Scrolling through Facebook and Twitter, commiserating with fellow sleep-deprived parents.
- Drafting elaborate rules, reward charts, and incentive programs to ensure the kids stay in bed until 7 AM—knowing full well these plans will be abandoned by next weekend.
- Eating breakfast, which will inevitably lead to serving lunch at the absurd hour of 10:30 AM.
- Composing a strongly-worded message to the makers of those toddler clocks, expressing my dissatisfaction; my child figured out how to “bring the sun up” on the second day, resulting in random appearances of the sun at 4:00 AM, 5:00 AM, and 6:00 AM.
- Daydreaming about all I could accomplish… if only I weren’t so utterly exhausted.
- Napping. And repeating. Throughout the day.
So, until tomorrow at 6:00 AM, dear friends!
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Summary: This humorous reflection captures the struggles of early rising parents, filled with relatable frustrations and a touch of sarcasm. It also offers links to useful resources for those exploring home insemination and LGBTQ healthcare.