- You find yourself unintentionally becoming a human trampoline.
- Breakfast often includes a shoe in your face, courtesy of your little one.
- An email with the subject line “Head Lice” is lurking in your inbox.
- Phrases like “I wish I had a tail like a dog” suddenly seem perfectly reasonable.
- You catch yourself explaining why “putting things in your butt is a no-no.”
- An Exersaucer has become a permanent fixture in your living room.
- Your three-year-old is upside down in the Exersaucer, yelling “help, I’m trapped!” while a baby wails in the background.
- Someone is having a deep conversation with you while you try to sleep.
- You’re being engaged in chatter while brushing your teeth.
- You find yourself in the bathroom, discussing hide and seek while trying to pee.
- You remain in bed with your eyes shut, enduring a mini obstacle course of toddler antics, all while someone repeatedly asks, “Mommy, did it tick yet?”
- Your cup of tea or coffee has never been enjoyed while still warm.
- You’ve accepted that finishing a beverage is a dream that will never come true.
- Your bathroom floor resembles a toy store, featuring a high-heeled shoe, an egg beater, a Viking helmet, and a swim board.
- You feel a wave of nostalgia upon seeing that high-heeled shoe.
- A trip to IKEA with your spouse to shop for a mattress feels like a romantic outing.
- You finally wear your high heels and a stylish faux fur vest, only to discover that a Charlie Brown sticker is stuck to your outfit.
- You wake up at 7:20 AM and feel like the luckiest person alive.
- You can’t name a song by popular artists like Florence and the Machine or One Direction, but the tunes from the Exersaucer are on repeat in your mind.
- Losing a beloved teddy bear feels like an absolute catastrophe.
- You find yourself genuinely excited at the sight of a garbage truck.
- You have to stop yourself from saying words like “fighted,” “eated,” and “breaked.”
- Midday snacks are a thing of the past; if you must indulge, you become a master at sneaking it away from prying eyes.
- A phone call with a friend sounds like this: “Yes, 3-Year-Old, I’m boiling water for your hot chocolate. Hold on, friend, I’m here! (3-Year-Old, don’t climb on that!) Sorry about that, go on.”
- You navigate your home, only to trip over something that either lights up, plays music, or shouts “caterpillar power!”—and you know you’ll be stumbling over it again soon.
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Summary
Parenting a toddler is a whirlwind of unexpected moments, from navigating conversations during bathroom breaks to stepping on toys that come alive. Each day brings unique challenges and hilarious situations that remind you just how much your life has changed since becoming a parent.