I’ve been a mother for a solid ten weeks, five days, and four hours. Yes, I keep track of this because many days feel like a slow countdown to bedtime. We’ve made it through a full 24 hours without any disasters. No one has perished, no one has lost their mind (yet), and aside from a minor spat about the swaddle, we’re mostly content. In this new realm of swaddles, bouncers, and sleep training, reaching bedtime without any significant breakdowns or injuries feels like a triumph.
But as the day winds down, a creeping sense of guilt often invades my thoughts. Guilt is a cunning little beast. I’d much rather deal with the overt frustration that my sweet baby expresses when I don’t feed her just right. No subtlety, no sneakiness—just raw, honest emotion. Guilt, on the other hand, stealthily targets my insecurities.
Countless times each day, I feel overwhelmed—by motherhood, by the weight of expectations, and the emotional whirlwind that came with that tiny seven-pound package of joy. Shouldn’t I just revel in the happiness, knowing countless others would give anything for my situation? Guilt whispers this in my ear.
Postpartum depression, like guilt, can be a deceitful affliction. Its intensity fluctuates. It does improve over time, but progress can be slow, and then it sometimes takes a downturn. My world has been turned upside down; will I be a good parent? Will my daughter resent me? What if she encounters wolves? Or—perish the thought—turns out like a pop star?
Maya is my beacon and my heart, yet there are days when I wish she would indulge in a 15-hour nap so I can accomplish something practical. Like cooking with both hands. Or taking a shower. Or, heaven forbid, getting some sleep.
Today, I can at least take comfort in knowing there are still 5.5 hours until bedtime and that we’ve survived another day. WIN.
For more parenting insights, check out our post on how to embrace the complexities of motherhood, and don’t forget to explore resources on pregnancy and home insemination such as those found at WHO and genetics. If you’re interested in home insemination kits, you can find valuable information here.
In summary, motherhood brings a mix of joy and challenges, and as we navigate these waters, it’s important to recognize our feelings and seek support when needed.