Pregnancy Journey
Creating Space for a New Arrival
Updated: August 21, 2015
Originally Published: September 3, 2012
When I discovered I was expecting just days before my forty-third birthday, I was both astonished and elated. My daughters were already 16 and 11, and I had yearned for another pregnancy since they were small. After a year and a half of trying for my second child, it seemed like I might never conceive again. So, when my daughters were settled in elementary school, we decided to expand our family by adopting a three-year-old boy from Russia. The transition to life with that energetic little guy was challenging, and it took us some time to adjust.
It was shortly after Ethan’s eighth birthday when I received the unexpected yet joyous news of my latest pregnancy. The excitement was palpable among the family, except for my son. While the rest of us were shedding tears of happiness, he was overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety. My husband and I reassured him of his importance in our family, particularly as a role model for the baby who would soon arrive. Despite being part of our family for five years, Ethan felt that this new addition was a threat to his place.
Eventually, Ethan began to warm up to the idea of having a little brother—a companion he could guide and play with. That was until he found out I was expecting another girl. His reaction was intense, more so than when we announced the pregnancy itself. He retreated outside, sobbing in frustration. I tried to console him by reminding him of his close friend, a girl who loved the same things he did—action figures, sports, and outdoor adventures. It seemed my words didn’t resonate with him. While the rest of the family reveled in planning for our new miracle, Ethan appeared to be in denial.
Then came Mia. She was so small and defenseless, and Ethan immediately formed a deep bond with her. He held her delicately, studied her tiny features, and mimicked how my husband cradled her. He proudly introduced her to his friends and teachers. One day, as I changed the crying infant, Ethan quietly remarked, “You know what’s really sad? When I was a baby like you, nobody took care of me like this.” His words were filled with tenderness, as if he was recognizing for the first time what he had missed in his early years. It was as if he made a silent promise to ensure Mia would never experience that neglect.
Ethan began to see me through a different lens. He observed my constant care for Mia, attending to her needs around the clock. One of the first nights back from the hospital, he wanted to sleep near us to hear my “sweet voice” and see Mia’s “adorable little face.” It was as if he was absorbing the love and attention that he hadn’t fully experienced in his infancy.
Before Mia’s arrival, Ethan had often felt like an outsider in our family. He was aware that he missed out on our initial family moments and many shared experiences from his early years. However, with Mia, he was present from the beginning—from the moment we announced her impending arrival to every subsequent day of her life. She knows him as her big brother and isn’t aware of any other reality.
As Mia grew into toddlerhood, their sibling relationship evolved into a more typical dynamic. She annoys him, he teases her, and they have their spats. However, she still looks up to him and seeks his attention, and he loves her in return. Their bond continues to reveal its gifts. Ethan faced challenges with hyperactivity and sensory issues during his early years, which were often difficult for me to understand. Interestingly, Mia also exhibits some of these traits, sometimes even more pronounced. Her brother’s experiences equipped me to handle occupational therapy, fatigue, and the acceptance of behaviors that I found challenging. Now that I have a child who shares similar difficulties, Ethan’s struggles no longer feel alien; I realize that it’s entirely possible I could have given birth to a child just like him, because I did.
Life has a funny way of working out. A little boy entered our lives and brought valuable lessons for all of us, and then a little girl arrived, making those lessons more manageable. This is just one love story among many in our family’s journey.
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In summary, the journey of welcoming a new baby can stir up a mix of emotions, particularly for siblings. Yet, as families navigate through these transitions, love and understanding often emerge, creating a stronger bond among all members.