Every now and then, I glance around my chaotic household and think, “This could make for some entertaining reality TV!” But the reality is, I would firmly decline such an offer. Here’s why:
- My children seem to think that wearing clothes at home is optional.
- I’m the proud mom of three boys, who spend a considerable amount of their time discussing bodily functions. For example, my older two find it absolutely hilarious when they ask the youngest, “What do you get when you mix half poodle and half poodle?” and he enthusiastically replies, “Poo Poo!”
- There are moments when I completely lose track of my toddler. I might be in the kitchen doing dishes, and suddenly I realize I have no clue where he is. Often, he’s discovered climbing on the top bunk or experimenting with the toilet—an incident that would surely attract the attention of Child Protective Services. (I typically keep bathroom doors locked and remove the ladder right after he wakes up to prevent any falls.)
- Other times, I know exactly where my toddler is. He’s perched atop the kitchen counter, having pushed a chair over, and there I am, snapping pictures of this little daredevil.
- Our home has yet to master the art of “volume control.” It’s LOUD! One of my kids is particularly exuberant; when he’s close enough, I can feel my eardrums vibrating. Bedtime isn’t any quieter. Just last night, he lay in bed for two minutes shouting, “Mamamaaaamammmmaaaama, Mom, maaaamamaaaa!” But when he follows that up with a sweet, “I love you,” how can I complain?
- My boys adore playing with Legos, and I love that they’re engaging their creativity and problem-solving skills. However, Legos are scattered everywhere! The formal dining room I envisioned for elegant dinner parties has transformed into the “Lego room.” And trust me, I wouldn’t want cameras rolling when I “accidentally” vacuum up a few pieces. It’s amusing to see young couples on house-hunting shows claiming, “This would be perfect for entertaining!”
- I often take my oldest son to school while still in my pajamas, and the little ones are typically in their sleepwear too. Just last week, my middle child was in just his underwear during drop-off. Clothing? Totally optional. And let’s not forget that I’m usually driving with one hand, coffee in the other.
- While the cameras might capture the tender moments, like my middle son gently patting his baby brother’s face and whispering “I love you,” they’d likely focus more on the chaos, like when the older boys are wrestling or when I’m frantically shouting, “Where are your shoes? Did you brush your teeth? Hurry! We’re late!”
- Our breakfast choices can be quite unusual. My middle child often requests odd items like popcorn or tilapia first thing in the morning.
- I find myself using a plunger nearly every day. Between the wet wipes in the toilet and the occasional wayward toys, it’s a constant battle. You don’t want to know what else gets stuck!
- My home is “company clean” for about four hours a month, thanks to a housekeeper who comes twice monthly. However, I still need to tidy up before her arrival. The result is a brief moment of cleanliness that disappears almost immediately after school pick-up. It’s certainly not “clean enough for the cameras.”
- Once, I accidentally locked my oldest son—and my cellphone—in the car while at a Kohl’s parking lot. Thankfully, a kind stranger called the fire department, and though it took eight minutes for them to arrive, my son slept through the entire ordeal. This was around the time when Britney Spears was making headlines for her public struggles, and I thought to myself, “I’m grateful I’m not her, with photographers capturing every moment of my life.”
What would the world see if cameras were rolling in your home?
This article was originally published on July 25, 2012.
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Summary:
In this humorous take on why reality TV wouldn’t work for her family, the author highlights the chaos and unique moments of her life with three boys. From their unconventional breakfast choices to the constant noise and mess, it’s clear that while entertaining, her daily life is far from the polished narratives often portrayed on television.