This past week, my son decided sleep was optional. Yes, completely optional. As you can imagine, I’m running on fumes.
After a sleepless night, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to take both of my boys to Target post-nap (and I use the term “nap” loosely). I wanted to seize the opportunity of a baby sale, stock up on four massive boxes of diapers, and distract myself for a bit. I knew that if I stayed home and stopped moving, I would likely fall asleep, leaving my kids to wreak havoc in the house.
Unfortunately, the trip to Target didn’t go as planned. It turned out to be one of the most chaotic outings we’ve had in a while. I’ll spare you the specifics, but let’s just say that on the drive home, it struck me that I had no bedtime to look forward to tonight. My son had discovered his superpower of nighttime wandering, showing up at my bedside unannounced.
In the midst of a flood of tears, it dawned on me: I can’t have more children. I’m at my capacity. This is my family.
As a drained mother of two boys, I yearn for more kids, yet I can barely manage the ones I have. I’ll never experience the bittersweet joy of knowing my pregnancy was my last, or the excitement of raising a daughter—helping her get ready for prom, buying her tampons, or shopping for her wedding gown. Suddenly, this outing felt overwhelming.
There are days when I question whether we made the right choice by having two kids. We often feel ill-equipped for this journey. What if we mess them up? Then there are other days when I think we’re nailing this parenting thing and that we should definitely have at least five more kids!
Today was different. Following my emotional breakdown, I had a revelation; it was as if a light bulb illuminated my mind. I realized I don’t need to have all the answers about how many kids I’ll have right now.
People constantly ask:
- Are you planning to have more?
- When will you try for a girl?
- You’re not pregnant again yet, right?
- You’re done having kids, aren’t you?
- Are you using birth control?
I usually provide a lengthy explanation about how we initially intended to wait longer between our first two children, but since they’re so close in age, we’re planning to delay a third. Unless, of course, it happens unexpectedly because we can’t fully control these things. We hope to wait until my husband finishes college or until our current children are off to college (or at least potty trained), but we think we might want three or four in total.
Today, I’ve decided on a new response: “We have no idea, and you’ll find out when we do.”
The future could unfold in one of two ways: we might have more children, or we might not. It’s unnecessary for me to have that figured out right now. After all, one thing I’ve learned in my 26 and a half years is that life rarely goes as planned. If it did, I would be a glamorous mom with perfect kids and a flawless marriage, baking like a pro, rocking a bikini, and enjoying endless free time.
The reality is that I don’t know what’s next. Even if we were certain about wanting more kids, circumstances could change. Similarly, if we thought we were done, we might end up surprised. I don’t mind when people inquire about our family plans—I really don’t—but honestly, we don’t have concrete plans, and I’m learning to embrace the uncertainty. Ultimately, it’s not entirely up to us.
Our family may or may not be complete, but for now, it is absolutely whole.
For more insights on family planning, consider checking out our post on the At Home Insemination Kit. It’s a great resource for those exploring their options. Additionally, if you’re curious about the role of natural remedies in this journey, Tea Tree Oil has some valuable information. For an in-depth understanding of the medical side of family planning, the Genetics and IVF Institute is an excellent resource.
Summary:
In this candid reflection, a mother grapples with the emotional complexities of family planning and the pressures of parenting. After a chaotic outing with her two sons, she realizes that her family may be complete for now, embracing the uncertainty of what the future holds. While torn between the desire for more children and the challenges of motherhood, she finds peace in the idea that it’s okay not to have all the answers right now.