A few weeks ago, I endured intense eye pain. My right eye became watery, swollen, and incredibly sensitive to light, making it nearly impossible to keep it open. Trust me, never Google your symptoms.
Before I drafted my own obituary, I splashed some water on my face, removed my contact lens, and flushed my eye. I opted for glasses for the rest of the day. As it turned out, there was just a tear in my contact lens; I wasn’t suffering from meningitis or a corneal ulcer.
I managed to parent through this entire ordeal because, let’s be honest, we parents are practically superheroes. But by day’s end, I was hit with a cascade of other symptoms, thanks to my four little angels.
Symptom: Nausea
Causes: Sure, you might be battling norovirus or rotavirus, but it’s entirely possible your gag reflex is being tested by…
- Watching your toddler combine yogurt and ketchup and eat it with a pretzel stick.
- Changing the sheets on the top bunk and uncovering a wall of art made entirely of late-night nose treasures.
- Discovering something unexpectedly while tossing your teen’s laundry into the washer—something you wish to never discuss with anyone. Most likely yogurt, anyway. Wretch.
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Insomnia
You might find yourself loathing the clock as 3 a.m. rolls around, and you’re wide awake, counting cobwebs. It’s got to be a serious condition, you think. You’re convinced you’ll never sleep again, whispering into the darkness.
Causes:
- Just today, you muttered a remark under your breath that will likely be the only thing your 6-year-old remembers from her childhood, setting her on a path of questionable choices.
- While cleaning your teen’s room, you stumbled upon a condom and wondered if you should applaud or scold him. A montage of his childhood flashes through your mind, and you can’t help but feel overwhelmed.
- Your daughter spat at a child on the playground. You’re left second-guessing your parenting decisions—was that the right move?
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Headache
This could be a migraine. Or it might be that…
- You survived another bedtime battle, answering questions about time travel and why Cookie Monster is blue.
- It’s past midnight, and your child still hasn’t returned home.
- You crafted a gourmet dinner with hidden veggies, served on their favorite plates, only to be met with chants of “down with dinner.”
- You had to restrain yourself from cursing when the cashier called the next person over, ignoring the fact that you were next in line.
- Your son has decided to only wear octopus-themed shirts, and now he’s moved on to sharks after you bought every octopus shirt you could find.
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Back Pain
This could be a slipped disc or the denial of aging, but it’s more likely due to…
- The way you sit on the edge of your bed at 2:00 a.m. for the millionth feeding of your infant.
- Carrying a baby, a toddler, 12 grocery bags, and two backpacks into the house all at once while your other kids complain about their tired legs.
- Perching on the bleachers at your child’s game, realizing you held your breath the entire time as you watched your kid play against giants.
- The stealthy maneuver you employ to escape the baby’s nursery at night.
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Sore Throat
Sure, allergies or a cold could be the culprit, but it’s probably because…
- You asked your kids to pick up their Legos, and after three hours, you stepped on one and screamed for what felt like an eternity.
- You belted out four Sofia the First songs in the car, forgetting there were no kids to hear you.
- You continually asked your little ones to find their shoes, only to realize they’ve disappeared into oblivion.
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Fatigue
Seriously?
In short, parenting can feel like a chronic illness. While I encourage you to seek medical advice if you experience any uncomfortable symptoms, I know you’re a parent and probably don’t have the time for that.
Perhaps a warning label on a child’s birth certificate would be beneficial: “Caution: May cause nausea, insomnia, headaches, dizziness, mood swings, fatigue…”
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Summary:
Parenting can feel like a rollercoaster of physical and emotional symptoms that mimic those of a chronic illness. From bouts of nausea to sleepless nights and headaches, the experiences of parenthood can be overwhelming. However, understanding that these symptoms are often a result of the daily challenges of raising children can provide some comfort.