Updated: June 28, 2016
Originally Published: March 7, 2012
Reflecting on my upbringing, I often sensed that my parents struggled with many of my choices. They were quite vocal about their discomfort, especially regarding my desire to indulge in the same foods as my peers—like enjoying a hamburger at a summer barbecue. Even though I’m sure it made them cringe, they let me have my way, with only my mom’s twitching eyebrow revealing her disapproval. When I took up cross country running in high school, pushing myself to complete ten-mile runs before breakfast, they expressed their concerns. While they may have preferred I focus on subjects like math, they ultimately chose not to intervene.
Their inaction did not equate to encouragement; it was more a form of tolerance. They allowed me to pursue my interests without interference, but they were not advocates for my choices.
Many parents promote the idea of teaching their children tolerance. They emphasize the importance of accepting different religions, beliefs, appearances, and lifestyles. However, there’s a significant difference between tolerance and true acceptance. Teaching children to acknowledge the existence of differences is one thing; encouraging them to embrace and celebrate those differences is quite another.
Growing up in a predominantly white, working-class neighborhood where diversity was often merely tolerated, I’m acutely aware of how I want to guide my children in appreciating those who differ from them. If I only teach them tolerance, I know I will have fallen short.
Our world is filled with complexities that can divide us, yet beneath those differences lies a universal desire for acceptance. By fostering this understanding, we open the door to empathy, love, humility, and a shared humanity. This is what I aspire to instill in my children.
Having personally faced racism at various points in my life, my perspective on these matters is undoubtedly shaped by my experiences. I recognize that my children, who are half Indian, a quarter Puerto Rican, and a quarter Italian, may encounter their own challenges related to race and intolerance.
Lessons to Impart
Here are some lessons I aim to impart to my kids, Mia and Leo, about moving beyond mere tolerance:
- When you encounter someone who looks different from you, appreciate their beauty. Whether it’s their skin tone, eye color, or unique hair texture, remember that these differences contribute to their individuality. Everyone has their own unique charm—after all, who can compare to the likes of Bono?
- If you meet someone with a disability, approach them with kindness and empathy. Offer help when you can, even if it’s declined. Don’t hesitate to forge friendships with those who seem different; you may discover shared interests and experiences that surprise you.
- When engaging with those who discuss faith, listen attentively but refrain from sharing too much. You’re growing up in a household where we’re still figuring out our spiritual path, so nod and smile politely for now.
- If you encounter a same-sex couple, it may seem unusual, or perhaps not at all. Just remember that love is love. If two people are fortunate enough to find each other in this sometimes chaotic world, they deserve your support and celebration.
Reflecting on how society often settles for mere tolerance as the norm, I believe we can do better. Celebrating our differences rather than simply accepting them is crucial for navigating our richly diverse, multicultural world.
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In summary, teaching children about acceptance rather than just tolerance fosters a more compassionate and understanding society. By emphasizing empathy, love, and the celebration of differences, we can help shape a better future for the next generation.