Nothing invites more unsolicited advice than the arrival of your own child. Even before birth, friends, family, and even total strangers feel compelled to share their “profound” insights, as if they possess the secret to an easier parenting journey.
Have you ever noticed that much of this so-called wisdom is as helpful as a screen door on a submarine? You’ve heard it all before, and more often than not, the guidance offered is just generic platitudes that lack any real value (see #1). While I typically refrain from giving unsolicited advice, if I ever did, I would aim to provide something more meaningful.
So, I compiled a list of common phrases I’ve encountered and reimagined them to reflect the realities of parenting:
- It is what it is. But sometimes, what it is might be questionable. In such cases, I recommend washing your hands if you’ve handled it.
- Expect the unexpected. Like that unexpected peep show. You thought changing in gym class was awkward? Wait until your child flings open the public restroom stall while you’re midstream.
- This too shall pass… Just like gas. Your baby will produce a lot of it—and, trust me, you will too while pregnant—and it will be potent.
- Life goes on… as do the temper tantrums. Sometimes for an entire evening.
- Prepare for the worst. The worst you will ever look in your life. Seriously, when was the last time you showered?
- Hope for the best. The best night of sleep you can manage.
- Nothing is guaranteed in life… except for diaper disasters.
- What’s yours is mine… because everything belongs to your selfish toddler.
- It’s always something. And it’s usually something absurd that triggers tears. Examples include my daughter crying because she couldn’t see the moon (it was daylight), or she couldn’t find her belly button (she was in a onesie), or she insisted I take off my glasses (which I wouldn’t do)—and the list goes on.
- It takes a village to raise a child… especially if you happen to be a polygamist.
For further insights on navigating parenthood, check out this article. If you’re seeking a deeper understanding of maternity care, this resource is quite informative. Additionally, this guide offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while parenting advice often comes in the form of clichés, it’s essential to sift through the noise to find what truly resonates with your experience. Embrace the chaos, and remember that every parenting journey is unique.