If you’re expecting a baby and feeling a bit uneasy, you’re in the right place. Here’s a comprehensive guide to navigate through your pregnancy journey.
THE FIRST TRIMESTER:
- You might find yourself developing carpal tunnel syndrome from spending hours online, obsessively searching for the cause of those nagging pelvic pains—are they period cramps or possibly signs of pregnancy? Then you’ll find yourself googling “carpal tunnel” and “pregnancy” to see if there’s any link.
- Even if you’re actively trying to conceive, the chances are high that you indulged in a glass of wine or a cigarette just days before discovering your pregnancy.
- You’ll secretly relish having an excuse not to hold your stomach in. Until your baby bump is visible, you might just appear a bit bloated.
- Transvaginal ultrasounds can feel like a scene from a sci-fi movie—think bionic devices that require ample lubrication.
- There’s an unspoken competition between those who experience morning sickness and those who don’t.
- Without a visible sign stating “I’m pregnant!”, people might assume you’ve had cosmetic surgery.
- Hormonal changes can be intense, providing a valid reason for any sudden outbursts or frustrations, especially when someone steals your parking spot.
- You’ll anxiously await the end of the First Trimester.
THE SECOND TRIMESTER:
- You’ll find yourself captivated by your reflection, spending time admiring your profile in any reflective surface. You’ll celebrate the moment your belly “pops,” though it may still resemble bloating.
- Your hormone-induced mood swings will remain a solid excuse for any minor mishaps, like when your partner brings home the wrong flavor of ice cream.
- Prepare for a series of vivid dreams—none of the flying unicorns kind, unless that’s your thing. Think along the lines of what teenage boys might experience.
- The first time you believe you feel your baby move? It’s likely just gas.
- By the time of your 20-week ultrasound, every baby looks like a tiny Voldemort.
- At some point, you might find yourself daydreaming about your OBGYN or midwife.
- Maternity bras might not win any fashion awards.
- Bellabands will become your best friend.
- There’s another unspoken rivalry between those eager to know their baby’s sex and those who prefer to keep it a surprise.
- Expect changes in your nipples, including potential leakage.
- You might find yourself gassy throughout the Second Trimester.
THE THIRD TRIMESTER:
- The drink they give you for the gestational diabetes test will make you swear off sweets for a day. If you have a choice, go for the yellow flavor.
- Sex may transform into a complex game of naked twister.
- Cocoa butter won’t save you from stretch marks, so save your money.
- If you’re glowing, it’s likely just sweat from all those hormones.
- Getting off the couch will feel like a monumental challenge, but it will prepare you for the marathon walk down the candy aisle.
- Some friends may grow weary of your belly photos on social media.
- You’ll start purchasing Mozart CDs and eco-friendly toys while judging other parents who don’t share your values.
- During the last stretch, if your healthcare provider checks your cervix during a contraction, you may wish to kick them—though, in stirrups, you’ll appear like a moose on ice skates.
- You may feel like a (gassy) beached whale; however, you are truly beautiful.
- Your mucus plug will resemble an enormous loogie.
- To induce labor by your due date, avoid packing an overnight bag, skip the leg shave, forgo the pedicure, and definitely don’t wear clean underwear.
BIRTH:
- You may feel overwhelmed.
- You might feel a surge of anger towards the person who “did this to you.”
- Expect to scream, kick, and possibly lose control of your bodily functions more than once.
- There will come a moment when you realize you can get through this—and you will.
- While Pitocin isn’t evil, it might lead to increased bleeding.
- You may find yourself inquiring about an epidural at any cost, as natural doesn’t mean you have to endure immense pain.
- If you feel the need for a lengthy bathroom break, it’s likely time to push.
- You’ll likely form a bond with at least one person in the delivery room, and it won’t be your partner.
- No amount of olive oil or perineal massages will prevent tearing. And if you didn’t tear, well, you might be one of the lucky ones who didn’t experience stretch marks, morning sickness, or curiosity about the baby’s sex.
- The relief you’ll feel once your baby arrives is indescribable.
Yes, it’s all worth it. (Especially those vivid dreams during the Second Trimester.)
For more insights on fertility challenges, check out Understanding Fertility Challenges as they provide valuable information. Also, consider visiting Rmany’s Blog for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re curious about self insemination, read about it in our post on the At-Home Insemination Kit.
In summary, pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences, from the early excitement and anxiety to the final stages of labor. Each trimester brings its own challenges and joys, leading to the miraculous moment of birth.