Updated: November 21, 2014
Originally Published: October 29, 2011
Throughout my life, I’ve absorbed a lot of wisdom, and one critical lesson is the significance of timing. Take, for instance, receiving a brand new Lexus from a wealthy uncle for your birthday. If you express gratitude just after the gift is given, he’ll likely feel appreciated. But if you wait six months to thank him, he might just decide to cut you out of his will and unleash his housekeeper on your tires. Or picture heading to your favorite pub at 7 PM on a Thursday; it suggests a long workday followed by a desire to unwind with friends. However, if you stroll into that same pub at 7 AM, it might indicate a deeper issue—like a drinking problem. Same actions, vastly different implications.
Speaking of drinking, timing was crucial during a recent conversation with a soon-to-be former friend who doesn’t have kids.
Friend: “A few of us are heading out for drinks after work. Want to join?”
Me: “No thanks, my partner is working late, so I’m on dad duty tonight.”
Friend: (with a condescending tone) “How adorable. Are you two going to play dress-up?”
Me: “Actually, we’re…”
Friend: “You know what? I don’t really care. Using your daughter as an excuse has become a bit too convenient. It’s a woman’s role to care for kids, and you really need to man up—but I bet you don’t even know what that means.”
For context, I have a lovely 16-month-old daughter. Had this guy made similar belittling comments before her arrival, I would likely be writing this from behind bars. But my daughter has brought out my better self, so I simply shook my head and walked away. Just another reminder of how crucial timing can be.
By the way, I should have clarified to my clueless friend that looking after your own child is parenting, not babysitting. Babysitting involves paying a teenager to lounge on your couch while you’re out. Seriously.
As I drove home, I contemplated the true meaning of “man up.” Does it imply neglecting my responsibilities as a father to grab a beer with someone I barely tolerate? Or does it suggest that child-rearing should solely fall on my partner while I kick back and watch sports? That’s not how I perceive it.
To me, “man up” means:
- Supporting My Partner: Regardless of how competent I think I am, my partner often puts in more effort than I do. To show appreciation, I give her foot massages after a tiring day, help prepare dinner, tidy up, fill her car with gas, or simply express love and gratitude for all she does for our family.
- Prioritizing Health: Yes, there are days when I’m tempted to swing by a fast-food joint for lunch or skip a workout. But when I’m faced with these temptations, I think about my daughter. To truly “man up,” I make it a point to exercise regularly and eat healthily because I refuse to let her suffer the loss of her father to preventable health issues.
- Public Displays of Affection: In my 16 months as a dad, I’ve noticed some fathers shying away from engaging with their kids in public unless it involves discipline. I’m not one of them. I hug, kiss, high-five, and play with my daughter openly. Sure, I might get odd looks from onlookers, but I couldn’t care less. I want her to understand that showing affection is normal and healthy.
- Getting Involved in Play: Many fathers I know embrace tea parties and doll games with their daughters without feeling embarrassed. Though my daughter is too young for those activities, I’m the first to pick out outfits for her when shopping. I’ve immersed myself in the world of Hello Kitty, bracelets, and jeggings (which, for the record, I only learned about recently). To “man up” means adapting to whatever my child needs at any moment. If it involves dressing up or shopping at the Sanrio store, I’ll do it happily.
- Being a Role Model: I have a penchant for swearing, especially after a rough day, but you will never hear me curse in front of my daughter. Some parents find it amusing to hear their toddlers cursing, which I find cringe-worthy. I make it a point to use polite language around her, and I know it’s making an impact because the other day, after I changed her diaper, she looked up and said, “tank ew.” My heart nearly burst from the sweetness! Kids are always watching and listening, so I strive to be my best self around her.
- Persevering: There are days when my daughter is a handful, throwing tantrums or just being challenging. I often question my capabilities and wonder if I can handle it, but it always works out. I know she loves me, and to truly “man up” is to keep striving to be the best dad I can be, no matter how tough it gets. Parenting is the hardest yet most rewarding journey I’ve ever embarked on.
- Caring Deeply: This means always being loving, attentive, and supportive toward my partner and daughter. No night of partying can compare to the joy I feel after a simple day spent with my little one. Because of this, I’ve cut back on drinking and going out. My primary focus is ensuring my daughter has the best life possible, even if it means disappointing a guy who believes childcare is solely women’s work.
To my misguided friend: My daughter is my everything, and if you’re reading this, that’s what “man up” truly means. You’ve disrespected all the great parents out there with your ignorant comments. Hopefully, you now recognize your misplaced views. If not, rest assured there are plenty of parents ready to correct that mindset. But for now, timing has saved you from a well-deserved reckoning.
This article was originally published on October 29, 2011.
Summary:
In this reflective piece, Jordan Michaels shares his insights on the true meaning of “man up” in the context of fatherhood. He emphasizes the importance of supporting one’s partner, prioritizing health, being affectionate in public, engaging in play, setting a good example, persevering through challenges, and genuinely caring for family. He counters outdated notions about parenting roles and advocates for a more involved and nurturing approach to fatherhood.