A few months ago, my son received a diagnosis of a cancerous tumor. While I won’t delve into the specifics of its location or rarity, I can say that he is thriving, and we are maintaining a calm and positive outlook. The reality is, when your child faces a serious health challenge, your entire life changes. Sharing this news with friends and family can be a daunting task, but the responses you receive can be even more challenging. While some reactions are supportive and comforting, others can be quite the opposite. Here are four phrases you should steer clear of if you encounter someone in this situation:
1. “I Can’t Imagine What You Must Be Going Through.”
This phrase places the onus on me to reassure you. It forces me to respond with things like, “Yes, it’s really tough, but we’ll get through it,” or “We were shocked at first, but we are in a better place now.” While it’s likely true that you can’t grasp what we’re experiencing, this statement can amplify my feelings of despair. It subtly implies that our situation is so harrowing that you can’t even fathom it, which isn’t the uplifting sentiment I’m looking for.
2. “You Are Handling This So Well… You Are So Strong.”
I don’t see myself as a superhero; I’m just a mom doing everything possible to help my child. When I hear this, it feels as if you expected me to crumble in despair. Sure, there are moments when I want to retreat and cry, but I can’t. I need to stay strong for my son, just as any parent would in a crisis. While we all have choices in how to face challenges, I believe that nearly all parents will opt to be a resilient figure for their children.
3. “What Can I Do To Help?”
While I truly appreciate your desire to assist, asking me what I need puts me in an uncomfortable position. I’m facing overwhelming responsibilities—managing two other kids, a dog, and household chores. It’s hard for me to articulate specific needs. Instead of waiting for guidance, please take the initiative. For example, a friend of mine dropped off a selection of frozen meals, toys for my son, and comforting items like sleepy-time tea and a heartfelt note that simply said, “I’m here for you.” Another friend organized a meal train online, which has been a tremendous help. We are truly thankful for these gestures without the need for me to ask.
4. “He Will Be Fine.”
While I appreciate the positive sentiment behind this statement, it can feel dismissive. Of course, we share the hope that he will be fine, but you aren’t privy to the intricacies of his condition or the tough decisions we’ve had to make. Suggesting that it’s a simple matter, akin to recovering from a mild illness, can be frustrating. The reality is, we are dealing with a serious situation, and it’s important to acknowledge that.
My son is the real hero in this journey. It’s surprising how often people forget to check on him, even though he is a remarkably brave and resilient kid. If you truly want to support us, please extend your kindness to him as well.
For more information on family support and resources, you can explore IVF Babble for excellent guidance on navigating challenges like this. And if you’re interested in home insemination options, check out our post on the Home Insemination Kit for further insights. Also, for practical parenting solutions, visit Baby K’tan for a comprehensive review of baby carriers.
Summary
When supporting a parent whose child has been diagnosed with a serious illness, it is important to choose your words carefully. Avoid phrases that shift emotional burdens, minimize the situation, or put pressure on the parent to articulate their needs. Instead, offer tangible support and remember to extend kindness to the child as well.